Reality Check

How?

2011-11-12T02:03:00.001-08:00

How do you compete against someone who has, in every sense of the word, already won?

How do you compete against someone who has been going at it for close to a year?

How do you compete against someone who can fly where you cannot? In fact, you are afraid to fly.

How do you compete against someone when it was your fault that drove concerned party away in the first place?

How do you compete against someone who is so much more open than you? In fact, courage was never one of your strong points. It remains one of your main weaknesses to boot.

How do you compete against someone whom concerned party is clearly comfortable with?

Mysteries of life.

-.-

2009-06-16T11:35:00.001-07:00

http://www.learnmyself.com/personality.asp?p=wpa-628330&u=PIx2x299705-296900x9181Fx2

I've no idea what to say. My anger grew to 99 from 96 and my fucking Morality and Sympathy dropped to a freaking 0.

gg.com

Pessimism

2009-04-29T08:33:00.000-07:00

There comes a time when it appears that nothing anyone does is going to make things better.

It seems like nothing can go right.
It feels like nobody's worth talking to.
It seems like everything's going against you.
It feels like you're trapped in isolation and desperation.
It seems like the whole world is laughing at you.
It feels like you're all alone.

I never thought how easily an emotion called sadness, or depression, can set in. It began with nothing I was unfamiliar with. Been there, done that. Fell and picked myself up before. No reason why I can't do it again.

But I can't.

Was the expectation too great?
Was the hope too great?
Was the confidence too great?
Was the pressure too great?

I don't know, and really don't care to know. All I know now is that in this current time of down-ness I seek nothing more than isolation.

I don't want pity.
I don't want sympathy.
I don't want comfort.
I don't want company.
I don't want concern.

Give me peace.
Give me silence.
Give me isolation.
Give me a world of my own.
Give me space to breathe.
Give me time.

I don't know what to do.
I don't know what I'm supposed to do.
I don't know what I should do.
I don't know what I must do.

I just want to be alone.
I just want to do nothing.
I just want to be left undisturbed.

I can't help it.
I can't fight it.
I can't resist it.
I can't avoid it.

I don't want to talk to anyone right now.
I don't want to share my thoughts with anyone.
I don't want to communicate with anyone.
I don't want to contact anyone.

Misery?
Despair?
Desperation?
Hopelessness?
Uselessness?
Dread?
Fear?

What are they?

Tranquility?
Peace?
Serenity?
Haven?
Utopia?
Heaven?
Optimism?
Sanctuary?
Happiness?

How do you obtain them?
How do you get them?
How do you feel them?

How long more do I have to face this?
How long more do I need to tolerate this?
How long more do I need to bear this?

All the imaginary taunts.
All the imaginary laughs.
All the imaginary mockery.
All the imaginary hypocritism.

Is it just pride?
Is it just ego?
Is it just face?

Silent killers are the worst things that can ever happen. They seemingly have no trigger, but the damage is greater than you thought it could be.

Bad results? You already knew since you didn't study.
Sunburnt? You already knew since you didn't do sunblock.
Not fit? You already knew since you didn't exercise.
Something due to luck? How would you know?

Some things are just down to luck. You can say it's all about skill, but luck was, is, and will be an important factor in everything we do.

When you're down on luck, even the best preparations mean nothing.
When you're down on luck, even the best concentration means nothing.
When you're down on luck, even the best skill turns out wrong.
When you're down on luck, even the worst scenario seems wonderful.
When you're down on luck, even the Gods spit on you.

I find words no longer effective.

Now, it's all up to time.

Bad language

2008-10-05T08:28:00.000-07:00

Do not judge a person by his language.
Do not assume he's bad just because he swears.
Do not think he's a gangster just because he's vulgar.
Do not discriminate against him just because his vocabulary his foul.

It's bad.
It sucks.
It's diabolical.
It's evil.
It's retarded.

Comfort

2008-10-02T09:00:00.000-07:00

Different people emit different auras. They give you a different sense of security. This is by no means a sign of trustworthiness - it just means that you can't tell certain people certain things.

I feel comfortable enough with certain people to ask them retarded questions regarding ATM cards, but not good enough to reveal certain other minute stuff.

I feel comfortable enough with other people to tell them my GPA, but not enough to ask them stupid questions because I don't want to put down my pride.

Meh.

Freedom

2008-09-27T08:06:00.000-07:00

They say that when you no longer look forward to going to work, it's time for you to quit.

I will be leaving my job at the end of the month, because I just simply no longer look forward to going there every morning anymore.

The pay's good. The people friendly. The environment decent.

Just the mental fatigue that I have. Physically willing, mentally on the brink of collapse.

Other factors like not being able to move up to the new office due to space constraint helped to speed up my final decision, but they were not the deciding factor.

Truth is, I just don't have the drive in me anymore when it comes to work. Back in attachment, I remember finding it damn boring, but at least I didn't feel this way. I was still able to honestly say that I look forward to work everyday. Same goes for the first few weeks of this job. By the 4th week though, I was already beginning to ask if I should be working.

No doubt I need the cash, but I think time has proven that I need a break even more. Granted FYPJ was almost a holiday to me, but it was still the same old school procession.

it's time to do something because I want to, not because I need to.

To do something because I want to, not because I'm obliged to.

To do something because I want to, not because people ask me to.

That's what I call true freedom.

Bad mood?

2008-09-24T08:18:00.000-07:00

A question I get many times is why I always look so serious/bad mood all the time, depending on how diplomatic the person is.

I found no logical answer to this question. It seems that it's second nature to me to portray such an expression to avoid any unnecessary situations.

For example, all young kids, or most for that matter always have that innocent look on their face, which always somehow gives the group of hooligans a thrill.

It is through personal experience which I will not speak of that I developed a hatred of large groups of people entering public transport. Somehow the sight of a large group of people makes me really pissed, which obviously results in the 'I-am-in-a-****ing-bad-mood-so-get-the-****-away-from-me-if-you're-smart-bitch' expression. And since my bus journeys have ALWAYS taken at LEAST 30 mins since I was secondary-freaking-two, this results in being in a bad mood for a reasonably long period of time everyday. This could be a possible reason to explain how I suddenly became stuck at the 'bad-mood' phase.

It sounds stupid, but this is the best logical answer I can find. Seriously I have tried not to look like I'm in a bad mood all the time, but I can't man. Saying and doing are two entirely different things.

Besides, it's almost always true that I'm always in a damn bad mood in the mornings. I blame it on fatigue most of the time, but the answer is closer to just general moodiness. I'm not a morning person after all.

Sometimes it's just down to pure concentration. As my friends should know, I rarely concentrate. This does not include examination halls. It's extremely easy to distract me, so when I've found something worth concentrating on, I get super pissed when I'm disturbed. That's when I do not want to be disturbed of course.

Moral of the story: Don't assume I'm in a bad mood. Even though chances are I am, you shouldn't assume.

Tarot

2008-09-21T07:56:00.000-07:00

You are The Devil

Materiality. Material Force. Material temptation; sometimes obsession

The Devil is often a great card for business success; hard work and ambition.

Perhaps the most misunderstood of all the major arcana, the Devil is not really "Satan" at all, but Pan the half-goat nature god and/or Dionysius. These are gods of pleasure and abandon, of wild behavior and unbridled desires. This is a card about ambitions; it is also synonymous with temptation and addiction. On the flip side, however, the card can be a warning to someone who is too restrained, someone who never allows themselves to get passionate or messy or wild - or ambitious. This, too, is a form of enslavement. As a person, the Devil can stand for a man of money or erotic power, aggressive, controlling, or just persuasive. This is not to say a bad man, but certainly a powerful man who is hard to resist. The important thing is to remember that any chain is freely worn. In most cases, you are enslaved only because you allow it.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

NS sucks

2008-09-20T21:22:00.000-07:00

My colleagues told me I look damn emo this past week. I asked them how so and they say I've been very quiet compared to my usual self and not making much jokes recently.

Seriously I find myself unable to gather any strength after seeing the damn enlistment letter. Even if it's months away, it's still too soon. And now we've got to book some medical checkup shit, get this and that signed, and this and that checked. Seriously troublesome.

Seriously waste of time.
Seriously drain of emotions.

Nationalservice Sucks

MOLEST!

2008-09-17T08:06:00.000-07:00

Drama at the hawker center provided nothing but an annoying amusement. Maybe I wasn't in a good mood in that bloody hot weather, but now that I think about it, it's seriously hilarious.

There was this old auntie pushing around the cleaner's cart when this old ah pek of.. 80 years old? suddenly crept up behind her. I didn't see exactly what happened, but I only heard that old auntie suddenly shouting 'MOLEST' LOL

Please leh.. you think you previous Ms Singapore? Even if you are, 60 years old who want to molest you man wtf la

All that ah pek was trying to do was to see if there are any empty cans in your cart. Even if he did brush past you by accident, or startle you with his sudden movements, I don't think you should shame him or yourself in public like that.

Disgrace.. but an entertainment nevertheless.

Don't assume

2008-09-16T06:14:00.000-07:00

I always thought that it would be good enough if I got a C for my FYPJ, having been doing nothing for 11.9 weeks during the 12 weeks.

Apart from stealing screenshots from a certain website, and imitating a video on the same website, I did -nothing-, unless you count preparing the presentation slides as actual work.

Imagine if I got a B.. nah impossible. After all my supervisor had already KP my group for doing nothing during week 5.

So to actually log in and see a B+ for FYPJ is.. *state of shock*.

No idea to feel relieved or shocked or happy. Stunned. Amazed. Speechless. Dumbfounded. Bamboozled.

Never assume you will do as badly as you think you did. A certain bad grade can always turn into a near-perfect score.

Never lose control

2008-09-12T08:52:00.000-07:00

There's a small chance everytime something doesn't go your way that you say something that your parents have probably taught you not to say. Chances are, you will regret it immediately if you do somehow managed to say it loud enough for them to hear it, regardless of how loving you are with them.

Some weeks back while I was playing Mahjong with my family, I drew a bad tile and I just went 'What the fuck'. Fortunately my mum didn't hear it. She could be pretending but I don't really care. I'm not afraid of her, I just want to avoid all those annoying 'Who taught you all these language?' shit. Unfortunately my sister heard it.

'I thought I just heard you say a vulgar word.'

'I said Feng' <-- (Wind in Chinese. Me thinks it's a lousy excuse but at least they sounded rather alike.)

Today, some fucked-up bitches stole my cab right in front of my sis and I. I was feeling like shit the whole day, having had a bad headache the last night and was just plain tired from the long day at work.

'EH CB LA!' and out went my middle finger from the moment they opened the door to the moment the cab drove off. Man I wasn't really thinking that everyone in the bus-stop could see and hear me. The worst thing is.. I completely forgot my sis was with me. Die liao lol

Heng she was feeling pissed too so she only just asked 'Need to scold until like that meh?'

Lesson learnt: Never lose control. Highly dangerous

Telemarketing?

2008-09-08T08:18:00.000-07:00

It's confirmed.

Telemarketers have one of, if not the worst, occuupations in the whole world.

People hate them for calling them at the most inconvenient of times.
People hate them for trying to get them to spend the money that they could have spent on that Hato ice cream enjoyed in the library.
People hate them for their persistence.
People hate them for the way they only seem to have answers related to sales, but never the ones for further enquiries.

Quite simply put, people like to hang up on telemarketers.

Man, I don't know about others but I sure do not think listening to that poor guy/girl over the phone who's simply doing his job because he needs a salary and not because he/she enjoys calling people everyday to hear their husky/bitchy voice for let's say.. 30 seconds to explain his/her call before politely declining to accept whatever goods/services he/she has to offer is a very difficult job comparable to coming up with some bombastic theory on how the combustion of oxygen and carbon whateverdioxide could result in a gas most adults wouldn't ever hear of.

If phone bills are expensive to the point where 30 seconds would cost you approximately enough money to buy you 1/2 of a can of beans which aint filling enough to feed your dog, then don't even own one in the first place yes?

If you can't show basic courtesy to at least hear what the telemarketer has to offer before deciding whether you want to decline or accept, then don't expect people to listen to you during your presentations/promotions/anything you spew from that big gap on your face.

I have every reason to suspect, people who hang up on telemarketers are such a fucked-up selfish species of people they would probably hand up on every number they don't recognize or if the call says anything along the line of 'I'm XXX calling from -insert company name-'

They don't care if you're calling to inform them of an error in billing.
They don't care if you're calling to inform them of a refund.
They don't care if you're calling to sell them something which would seriously save them hundreds of dollars per month.

They just need a chance to tell their friends 'Hah. The other day got some stupid dickhead calling me from whatever company. I didn't even bother to listen to him annd I just hang up the phone!'

That dear sir/mam, does not make you look as cool to your friends as you think it is.

It makes you look like an impatient jumped-up old geezer who would backstab his friends without a second thought.

I hereby declare that with my tiny and hopefully eternally small experience of getting hung up by people I hope I don't ever meet, nothing pisses me off than people who hang up without first listening.

You deserve a middle finger but you can't see it.
You deserve a -insert favourite profanity- but I will get fired for it.
You deserve to die but I'm afraid even Hell would be polluted by filth like you.

You deserve.. to just get AIDs and live forever on some small tiny island with lepers for company.

Mixed day

2008-09-05T05:34:00.000-07:00

I never thought I'll see a girl tear in front of me. Funerals do not count. Tears coming from yawning of sneezing do not count. Tears coming from dust do not count. Tears coming frmo genuine worry and fear are counted.

Audrey was feeling like shit after lunch, especially since she had a fucked-up guy over the phone demanding this and that and everything he shouldn't have. The bad thing was, she told the 'customer' something that was technically wrong, but officially still 'allowed' in a sense. Furthermore, she gave something that was internally decided by the agents but was never really officially recognized. Looking at her tear when Clifford, my OIC's right hand man, gave that 'OMG WHY DID YOU DO THAT' face was... what the fuck man.

No idea what I was supposed to do at that very moment man so I just grabbed a tissue for her. She was so worried that the guy would lodge a complaint and eventually it would get traced back to her and end up failing her IPP that her face had the 'I'm at my ancestor's funeral' expression.

I think I suck at consoling people but I spent the next 30 mins doing it anyway. Heng she's 22 and not some young 16 year old gina so she regained compusure real quick. Those sweet young things who after making a mistake never regains their confidence after 5 years really piss me off. Don't be such a pile of shit when you're out working man. You're out in society, not your father's personal secretary.

Anyway, spent the rest of the next 4 hours doing absolutely nothing apart from walking everywhere and chatting with everyone.

Taught the philipinos how to say

Hi, Bye, Idiot, Stupid, I'm done, You're welcome, Gigolo, I, You, Them, Crazy/Mad in Chinese.

DAMN FUNNY!

Obviously I learnt some tagalog as well. During my attachment itself I picked up some words, the bad ones of course, and I recalled even more today.

So people can understand what I'm saying :

Paalam --> Bye
Malibog --> Horny
Bading --> Gay
Bobo --> Idiot
Pagna --> Stupid
Mas --> Very
Babui --> Pig

Spelling not confirmed.

Until I feel like it again, Paalam mas malibog bobo!

Feels like I'm a boss

2008-09-01T07:47:00.000-07:00

I finally realize what is best for me in a good working environment.

Isolation.

I work best with 0 distraction and 0 disturbances.

Back at my old seat, where I am surrounded by all my friends both old and new, I can't even get through 10 calls without stopping for a quick chat or something.

Then today when there was totally a severe lack of seats, I was forced to sit right in front of my OIC, which is where the team leaders and supervisors usually sit.

First time I get to feel like a boss without being near the position of one. The view of everyone making calls and doing their own things in front of you, the sight where people turn and look at you.

Totally cool man.

Not only does the pressure of being directly in front of the boss force me to work hard, without my usual distractions, my effectiveness essentially rose by 50%.

Not only did I complete calls at least twice as fast, I was also somehow more eloquent. Perhaps I had to impress my boss, who could probably hear me anyway.

For some reasons, I seem to be the only one among my colleagues who is not afraid to sit near the boss.

I mean yeah you probably can't go MSN, surf manga and stuff, but if you really know your stuff, which you should, and work hard, I see no reason why your seat is important.

Yeah.

Seriously, I want that same seat again.

I'll trade MSN for coolness ANYTIME.

I just want my cheque NOW

2008-08-31T04:21:00.000-07:00

I wonder if the cost of operating the HR department is very high or something, if not why would companies outsource their HR department?

The handling of pay slips and etc.

I do not know exactly what goes on behind all that paper work, but from an employee's point of view, submitting a payslip to the boss, getting it verified, and receiving a cheque should take no more than 3 working days, 5-7 if it's a gigantic huge-ass MNC.

Now I'm required to do all the necessary shit like sending in my resume, updated photo, testimonials and all that necessary paperwork to an outsource company doing the dirty work for my current employer.

A bit retarded. I really should make 10 photocopies now for future use.

Wait I can't. Resume and photo will never be the same.

*sigh*

Michelle ROCKS

2008-08-27T07:16:00.000-07:00

I can still remember my tally for the 1 week that I've been here.

1 for the first day of training, 9 for the second day of work, 2 for the Friday, 5 on the next Monday, 8 for lucky Tuesday and 1 for today.

I solemnly state that unless promoters/call centers get their staff to finish calling their customers at least 3 days before end of promotion period, they are going to find that they will have a bunch of sorry folks emo-ing at their desk.

Not easy to pacify angry customers leh, especially when they seriously have a VALID AND PROPER reason to and you have absolutely no right to give them the ACTUAL reason.

Here are some extracts from today. Must be today before leaving house forgot to pray so suay kena like 5 angry customers calling me stupid to joker to whatever.

'Today last day of promotion then you call me? Why so last minute? Are you trying to force me to buy (your product)?'

'........... I understand that you are trying to encourage me to take up your offer, but you seriously expect me to consider in 3 hours and give you an answer? Your marketing tactics are wrong!'

'You really think people will look at your brochure? So colourful people will think is some other stupid promotion how we know would be for (your product)? Don't joke with me ok'

'Tomorrow got COMEX IT show might have better promotions today you call me ask me to take up your offer you stupid or what?'

'I want you to extend your promotion to next Monday. It's what you should do to compensate me for calling me only at the last minute. Either that or you call me at 1am because my family only returns at 12am and I need to discuss with them. Cannot right?'

Man. Thank God Michelle was online and kind enough to hear me rant if not I woulda explode. Not having enough seats for the entire team is bad enough. Enduring an entire day of insults is on a whole new level.

But at least I had some laughs during lunch time. Was raining like shit in the noon, so we ordered KFC. Supposed to get back to work after an hour, but we slacked for 20 mins more since the boss was away. Had really stupid but incredibly entertaining chat about 2 storey being high and PITY CASH.

If 2 storeys was super high I think my previous address of 22 storeys would be in Heaven =O

No idea what should I put for title.

2008-08-22T09:47:00.000-07:00

Many things in my head ATM and no real place to put them so yeah.

First 3 days of work were.. decent. Had ups and downs. I still can't confirm the pay is what the interviewer told me it is, but I'll get it sorted out when I meet the HR people next Monday.

Anyway, I'm currently into telemarketing. Somehow my OIC (I just can't seem to remember to call him my boss) wanted me in his team. This was how he introduced me to the team on the project:

OIC: Hey guys this is Jonathan he's good and he got experience in telemarketing.
.
.
OIC: See his face also know he can psycho people one la.

WA LAU STRESS LEH. People first day of work nia you go say until I so zai wa lau. Besides, I assume he remembered that I did Tiger Airways before, which is why he said I had experience, but I really think he forgot and anyhow say one. Anyway, I didn't clinch any deals on the first day because after all the department and seats and training were done half the day was gone already. Second day though I managed to clinch 9 deals alone, which I later found out today, was better than the combined overall of the other 4 guys on each day of this week! Today sucks la only 2 deals. Everyone else also had really bad results. This shows: Never do telemarketing on a Friday.

A bad news is, next week there will be 5 ladies joining our team of 5 guys. Which means, each of us has to teach a lady. With all due respect to females and no intention of any bias or offence, I must say I'm quite worried and I hope they learn as fast as I did. A certain bad experience with a lady during my attachment leaves me just cursing her when I think back now. 2 days ago, my training lasted just 45 mins, so I sincerely hope the person under me can pick up as quickly.

Which brings me to my next point; I'm not exactly a good teacher. I have very high standards for people who come under my wing (Whether willing or not is not my concern.) and I will get mad if they can't pick up fast. Me thinks this is partly due to my rather famous morning temper. Also, I'm not as patient as the guys who first taught me when I entered the company for attachment or for this temp job. Furthermore, I'm the youngest in the company. A-****ing-GAIN. Stress you know? You think teaching someone your senior in terms of age easy meh?

No patience + Very high standards and expectations + Junior teaching Senior = Diasaster.

Not to show off, but I think I have the right to have high standards. As said above, my single tally during my 2nd day of work is already higher than the 4 guys combined for each day of the week. Their personal best is only 7, and they usually get only 1-3 deals per day.

Anywayyyyyyyyyyyyy, glad to know people are finding jobs and making good use of their time. AFAIK some are working for their parents, some work in a call center and some as some kinda sales promoter. Maybe I should drop them a visit :)

ANYWAY I OWE MY BED A GOOD APOLOGY.

I enjoy a good relationship with my bed. I usually spend more than 10 hours with it if my schedule allows, but recently I've only been spending 6-7 hours on it. My bed recently complained that it felt neglected as I was leaving it earlier and earlier and only returning later and later.

Man I feel so guilty. But since this is a Friday night, I think I will be very sincere in apologising to my bed and I will spend a lot of time with it tonight. I hope it forgives me :D

*If you can't understand................ nvm you probably won't even if I explain*

Creativity for the week, courtesy of Michelle.

*Can't remember exact text*

MIch: Any clue?
Me: I have blind deer.
Mich: Blind deer?
Me: Blind = No eye. Blind deer = No eye deer. No eye deer~~~ No idea.
Miche: ...................... *I get the feeling that if she could smack me she would*

Spend money wisely

2008-08-19T09:01:00.000-07:00

I'm suddenly feeling anxious to start work tomorrow. Thinking of all the $$ I'll earn.. the driving lessons I'll then be able to afford.. the pleasures of money in short.

With that said, I expect myself to spend all of that on SSDC. To the best of my knowledge, nobody else in class is self-financing, so those who are working these 2 months during holidays have got absolutely no right or privilege to, at any point of the 4 months of study semester, say they are broke, or are somehow through whatever means apart from spending it foolishly on things they obviously cannot afford, have got no money.

Seriously. Pampering yourself once in a while is fine. Spending foolishly is totally not. There's a very fine line between a miser and a thrifty person. It's not hard to tell the difference if you proceed to understand the rationale behind the person's decision to spend, or not spend, on certain things.

Males love their face. Sometimes we just like to treat our friends, families or boy/girlfriends to lunch/dinner to look good. We may feel in control, we may even feel rich to be able to afford a treat.

After that? Starve for a few days? Severely regret the decision? Cry no money for 2 weeks?

I'll say F you with no hesitation.

Look. It's fine to treat people you hold dear to a lavish meal, AS LONG AS YOU CAN FREAKING AFFORD IT. Spending the allowance of the rest of the week just to look good is downright stupid and dumb. I had friends in secondary school who were like that.

Borrow money to buy presents for girlfriend? Check.
Borrow money for recess for 1 week? Check.

Get a hold man. If you think your girlfriend/boyfriend enjoys eating fine food and watching movie marathons and having nice desert and romantic candlelit dinner even after knowing that you will starve yourself for 2 weeks after is simply naive and represents an immaturity a 15 year old KID can surpass. So the vicious cycle goes on. In order to keep up the pretence, you borrow, or withdraw more out of that diminishing ATM account.

I'm not dissing the poor, or worshipping the rich. While I agree that the rich always seem to have spare cash, that doesn't mean the poor can't spend their savings on something they enjoy every now and then. What I'm not advocating is, spending 50 dollars on a fantastic dinner, 30 dollars on a movie marathon and 10 dollars on some miscallenous stuff when you have only 100 dollars in SAVINGS.

When you have to dig into your savings, it already shows that your spare and disposable cash is ZERO. And when you dig into your SAVINGS to PAMPER your FRIENDS, it's... pardon me idiotically retarded. You love your friends so much, use your DISPOSABLE cash. Go gamble, go work, go beg. I don't give a rat's ass how you get more cash but if you want to foolishly spend it on shit you obviously can't afford to, go find a way to increase your disposable cash at hand FIRST.

With that said, is it ok to spend most of your cash at hand unnecessarily, and be forced to resort to your savings to survive during lunch hour? Sure. I don't see a problem with that.

Not a big problem, unless you bitch about having no money non-stop.

Nobody except you knows how you spend your money. Nobody can stop you if you wish to pamper your boy/girlfriend with lavish dinner everyday. If they really think for you, they won't pressure you into bringing them to somewhere fanciful. If they really care, they won't resort to any sure-win tactics (Read: Whining) to make you agree, and then let you suffer in the long run.

Basically, it's all about

1) Do you really need to? (Will you enjoy yourself without pressure?)
2) Can you afford it? (Will you starve for more than a day?)
3) Must you really? (Sometimes, even if you can afford it, it's just not needed.)

Really. Spend like water behind my back and tell me you no money for lunch in school and I'll show you the beauty of my middle finger.

Olympicsssssssssssss

2008-08-17T08:30:00.000-07:00

How I wish the Olympics took place every year. With all that action and records and medals and everything, it's sheer joy just to watch it live at home. But then again, if it were once every year, there goes the novelty and 'legendary-ness' of winning an event. There's no fun in winning, or actually there's not so much of a shame and pain in defeat if you have a chance 12 months later. Looking at those people losing out on Gold/medal by just 0.01 is.. wow man. 4 years is a long wait. People end their careers in that time.

I saw in the newspapers the other day asking (Something like that) which event will be of most significance to us Singaporeas?

1) Is it Tao Li breaking the Asian record and coming close to a medal?
2) Is the the Singapore Table Tennis Team on being touted for our first medal in 48 years?
3) Or is it Michael Phelps on his legendary quest for 8 Gold medals in a single Olympic?

Not a very hard question. The answer for me is 3.

Singapore has a small population no doubt, but other european countries with small or smaller populations have done better too. I can't list any obvious examples off the top of my head, but my point is, 1 man did something that could possibly never be emulated again.

Countries with no medals to their name would eventually get 1 by hook or by crook. Foreign talents, genius coach, high monetary incentives, drugs whatever.

Phelps broke 7 world records en route to winning 8 Golds.

That's something we're lucky to be able to witness.

Just like the year 2000. Something that probably would never happenn again, and even if it did would take a long time. (Year 3000).

Twisties anytime

2008-08-14T09:24:00.000-07:00

Twist number 5!

All, except 1 guy who coincidentally happens to be the person who did his attachment with me in the same department and hence should be prioritized over all others except me, has been excluded.

Reason: His poor attendance and poor performance and poor attutide throughout the 3 months of IPP. While I put in nowhere near a 100% distinction performance, I must be fair and say it's an obvious choice who to give a 5 and who to give a 3 to if you were my OIC.

But anywayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy it seems that my employment will begin, assuming no more freaking changes again, on 20th August, Wednesday.

I declare my house open on 18th and 19th!

It's NEVER my fault

2008-08-13T09:03:00.001-07:00

Wah lau eh SCS is abit sot leh.

Scenario 1:
We desperately need people to start work immediately. *Gives VERY obvious hint all 7 people who went for the interview will be hired*

Scenario 2: Only 5 candidates will be chosen, and HR will call them. (Tomorrow)

Scenario 3(Tomorrow): Cannot confirm that need 5 people. Will let you know again.

Scenario 4: All except 1 guy has been 'Hired'. Please come in on the 18th.

Like... waddddddd daaaaaaaa farkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk?

How do you expect me to believe in such a fickle-minded team leader? Man I don't care if their pay is (high) man, but if I don't get a damn confirmation by Saturday I'll just say thanks for the offer goodbye and enjoy 2 months of maggie mee at home.

A lack of confirmation over such a simple thing is the clue of bigger turmoil behind the scenes. First rule of leadership, EVERYTHING IS YOUR FAULT.

Argue all you want, but when people start pointing fingers, it's the leader who is ALWAYS at fault.

Head: But he didn't want to listen to me. He's a difficult follower.
Others: You were incapable of making your workers listen to you. You have poor communication skills.

Head: The plan was perfect, but the people failed me at the last moment. Not my fault!
Others: The fact that the people failed you already shows that your plan was imperfect!

Head: Weather spoilt everything.
Others: Why no contingency plan?

Blah blah blah.

Crap. I'm getting paranoid.

Presentation tomorrow and I'm not the least bit worried. When your project is finished, and you know you're finished, there's no need to worry or panic because when you are right at the bottom, the only way left is up. Things can only get better :)

Yes. Holidays, end of FookYouProJect, a job to look forward to, some income to spend on more maggie mee...

YEAHHHHHHHHHHHH

$_$

2008-08-11T06:03:00.000-07:00

FINALLY LAST WEEK OF FYPJ!!

Been waiting for this time for so long, but it also signals the time of the holidays, or lack thereof.

I shall see tomorrow if I get a call from SCS HR which lands me a job. Yes I'm sacrificing 2 months of something I've waited for a really long time, but I trust that I will get $$ that will more than make up for it.

For one, I've bombed a lot of cash ever since IPP began. Not to mention FYPJ. And of course there's the driving lesson which I trust I'm the only one in class self-financing.

By the way,

Don't always say no money when you can afford a 30 dollar dinner and a movie. You mean a 5 dollar lunch is THAT expensive? *rolls eyes*

Last pre-NS Birthday

2008-08-07T09:23:00.000-07:00

Thought I'll jot it down somewhere before the fresh memories leave my mind.

Didn't really expect such a grand celebration from my friends. Grand by my standard since I don't usually celebrate birthdays except for a rather expensive family dinner. I still remember I had lobster porridge and herbal chicken among others last year.

But anyway, I feel like royalty tonight, no thanks to Maven and TW who made sure I had a night Kings would kill for but obviously the rest of the people who made up the numbers were great fun too.

I learnt during a suspicious tea-break that one had to remove candles through use of his/her mouth after the candles had been.... er blown. Man that tradition must have originated from Beijing since HP was the one pushing hardest for me to do that shit. The cake was awesome, despite a certain Boomer man claiming it's his art and I was extremely relieved it was just a simple chocolate cake. Didn't want them spending more than they could/should for a few pathetic slices of fruit. But anywayyyyy...

The best part was the movie, as expected. Journey to the center of the Earth. A movie with no particular genre - the kind that I enjoy a lot. While action, comodies and thrillers are always there for the taking, a movie with no particular genre is the kind that can be enjoyed by ALL. It contains no religious insensitivity, no vulgar or sexual language, a very balanced amount of humour and action and overally good acting. The downside was the poor graphics, a rarity these days with all that technology shit. Man I don't really care if it's fake or not as long as it makes me feel it's genuine. Like who the hell cares if a movie claims to be based on a true story depicts a Kraken feasting on rotting humans with 5 eyes when the graphics are real enough for you to actually believe it?

Anywayyyyy, the dinosaurs were fakeish. The beautiful scenes were obviously fake. The sliding at the end was fakeish. Hell even the rain looked downright fakeish. I'm sure I've seen better things in some other movies.

Dinosaurs from Jurassic? Beautiful scenes from LOTR? Sliding scenes from *insert whatever movie with sliding*? Rain in everywhere *rolls eyes*

BUT! The plot, regardless of whatever those damn magazine reviews say, was good. The acting was good too. The chemistry shared by the actors were good too. Screw reviews. I will only share them with my friends, but I won't let it affect their decision to watch or forgo any movie they have in mind; unless of course other friends of mine told me it's not worth watching. For example: The Mummy : Tomb of the Dragon Emperor. They told me not to waste my time and money, so I think I shall spread the love.

WHAT'S THERE NOT TO LIKE ABOUT A MOVIE WITH A HOT BABE?

Nothing! So there's no reason NOT to go catch Journey to the center of the Earth!

For that matter, dinner at Mad Jack was decent too. When they said black pepper sauce, it REALLY tastes like black pepper. Go to any ordinary shop and order a black pepper dish and they'll probably serve you a cupful of tasteless black sauce that looks like the watery version of chacoal. Here the sauce is brown, and has the genuine taste of black pepper. The burning sensation of distinct black pepper but yet so different from white pepper or chilli. That was one of the best black pepper sauce I've tasted outdoors. The kind of sensation where you find thrill in your tongue burning.

SHIOK!

Umm.. lots of thanks of course to eric, mich, lydia, hp and tw for their lovely presents. Ones which I can use with immediately effect instead of having to wait for a particular occasion. MAGGIE MEE LOL. And thanks to maven, scy, darwin, KW, GY, HY, YX, cheryl and KW's bf for coming. A pity Carle and SM couldn't make it though :(

Nevertheless, had a great day :D

No holidays..

2008-08-06T09:56:00.000-07:00

Watching a movie at night is like having a stomachache in the middle of a conversation. You're not sure whether to go on with it, or just quit.

I just caught Red Cliff tonight, a supposedly 5/5 movie according to friends and newspapers and magazines reviews. It was particularly acclaimed for it's brilliant acting, great act-out of it's military strategies as well as well thought-out humour.

I agree with all the 3, though I didn't felt as 'ZOMGWTFBBQ-I-MUST-WATCH-PART-2-NOW' as when LOTR The Two Towers was released. I remember feeling back then that I would give up 10 years of lifespan just to catch the 3rd instalment immediately.

Perhaps it was the fact that Singapore got the cut version. Man I swear I wanted to see those cut scenes, just like Lust, Caution. Maybe I should get the uncut version from my friend again. Whatever you can't get from the cinemas, you get from your 'suppliers'.

Anyway, FYPJ is over. Soon la. Week 11 is ending soon and next week is presentation week. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't worried. I'd be faking if I said I'm not afraid of failing. I'm not afraid of a low GPA. I'm not afraid of not being able to get to university. I don't like studying that is true. I like working that is true too. I like the thrill of earning money more than anything else.

To others, getting a job and earning money means more spending power but to me it means much more. It's more of a sign that I'm finally capable of something more than just that young adult still living off his parents. While I won't go so far as to say I'm obsessed with working and earning my own keep, I might just add that my previous stints of employment and IPP have just increased my expectations by quite a lot.

According to a friend, the 'market rate' for people like us (I assume he means fresh graduates) is around 6-7 bucks per hour. Earlier this week I'm essentially hired of a job that pays 8.50 per hour and I was still thinking to myself 'That's rather low'. Not that I'm greedy, but my previous job 3 years ago already fetched me 6 per hour! And that was with just an O Level certificate. I don't really understand why a poly graduate would be on par with a fresh secondary graduate and hence I thought we deserve somewhere in the 10 bucks per hour region. Everyone I asked though told me it was high so I'll leave it at that.

I'm passionate about work. I came 2 hours early about 2-3 times during IPP, and left 1 hour late on a few occasions too. Not that I was burdened with a lot of work. I just decided that I wanted to contribute more.

Sian. If only I like studying as much as I like working. Did I mention my OIC was so 'excited' over my returning to SCS that he told the interview that he wants to 'book' me for his own program? How nice if I'm that recognized in school too. Impossible of course, since I hate studying above all else.

I love money. Sue me.

2008-08-04T08:36:00.000-07:00

I love my pride. I have a huge ego. It's hard to be told you si-ai-mian-zi too much for your own good, but I'll leave it at that.

Everyone has pride.

Pride is defined as 'A high or inordinate opinion of one's own dignity, importance, merit, or superiority, whether as cherished in the mind or as displayed in bearing, conduct, etc.'

while ego is defined as 'The “I” or self of any person; a person as thinking, feeling, and willing, and distinguishing itself from the selves of others and from objects of its thought.'

While I will admit I have a huge ego, that does not necessarily make me think I am superior to others. When I say I have a huge ego, I meant it more in the I-love-face kind of way. The way I treasure my face more than anything. Simply put, I will want to save face according to my own beliefs, never mind that to others I'm doing something completely retarded, so much to a certain extent that it becomes quite self-destructive.

For example, I have the knack of never wanting to lose an argument; regardless of the 'opposition'. If I don't retort back, then unfortunately for you, you are simply not worth my time replying to for I am only interested in 'playing' with intelligent people.

Nevertheless, I find that I can put down my pride reasonably more easily than others.

For example, if people gave you 10 bucks to eat a live cockroach, would you?

No for me.

Then how about a million bucks for you to eat SHIT?

Yes I will. Laugh all you will, cringe all you might, but if 10 seconds of suffering can provide a lifetime of bliss, why not?

To the people who said no, they will probably drag up some fantabulously bullshitty theories on their religion, their principles, their teachings blah blah blah. That's where their failure to put down their pride for a few moments will cost them more than they think.

Common replies include 'I would rather die than eat shit.'

'I rather work 20 years to earn a million then eat shit'

See what I mean?

Ahhh but then again you could put it down to $. Maybe they need to see more bling-bling on the table before they give in.

Either that, or I loove money more than face.

KOREAN SHOWS SUCKS

2008-08-03T07:08:00.000-07:00

I realized just how much I HATE Korean serials just recently, when my mum can't get her eyes off her laptop watching those big-hairdo-yakking-in-a-foreign-language-you-need-20-years-to-learn shows.

Not that it's a new serial that's really popular, or an ancient oldie that's an auntie-killer like that.. what's that? Da Chang Jin?

Whatever that is.

My mum and sis watches them at home. My friends watch them in school and at home. Whatever is the world coming to. World War III isn't fought on the battlefield. Korea has no need for nuclear weapons to dominate the world; they just need to pump out more dramas and serials and soon they will have an army of 40+ year old aunties.

The point is, I don't quite get how exactly watching a show in a language you probably will never understand for 2 weeks is interesting. There's only so much you can get kicks out of reading subtitles. I put the question to my sister who, like any ordinary 60 year old auntie, likes Korean shows as well, and this is the equation:

Me: What's so nice those Korean shit?
Sis: It's nice.
Me: WHAT is nice exactly? You can't understand the language, there's always too much of a crying overdose, and it's ALWAYS about some incest familiy relatioship OR a horny emperor with 31395 concubines but only 1 son to show for it.
Sis: Watch and you will know. The plot is good. The characters are well thought-out, and the dudes are hot.
Me: I have never watched it and I never will. I have better use for my laptop and eyesight thank you.
.
.
.
Sis: What's so nice about online games?
Me: It's nice.
Sis: WHAT is nice exactly? You can't understand the coding language, there's always too much of a killing overdose, and it's ALWAYS about some role-playing killing OR some horny 2D graphics that shows pixels in bikins.
Me: Play and you will know. The plot is good. The characters are really pretty even though they're fake, and I'll pick them over Korean hunks anyday!
Sis: I've played them, but I still prefer Korean dramas.

Sometimes I wonder how my sister ever graudated from primary school.

But sometimes she wonders how I ever graduated from kindergarten.

I finally found a new pet peeve. Noticing someone watching Korean/Hong Kong/Japanese/Taiwanese dramas/serials just makes me feel so uncomfortable and feel like.. slapping them before turning their bloody screen off. Or best delete off their entire folder.

Unless they happen to be smart enough to buy back the DVDs and watch them with the luxury of knowing nothing will be affected even if I mess up their laptop.

Looks like my sister did indeed graduate from primary school.

BAKE CAKE

2008-08-01T07:58:00.001-07:00

I have no idea who took this, but as you can all see I'm protected by a divine shield.

I forgot how long ago since I last went to a lady's house, but anywayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

TRADITION SAYS YOU MUST INVITE GUESTS TO YOUR ROOM =D

Apparently Michelle isn't a very traditional person *rolls eyes*

But anywayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

I went there with a few others to... make a cake *rolls eyes*

Of course with my great talent for new things my biggest contribution was to watch tv while the rest checked out the exploding cake.

Obviously we must remember very important lessons.

1) Click the clutch.
2) Dragonboat != Dragonball
3) Pause the advertisement.
4) Michelle is NOT Lydia.
5) The Dragon Returns.

For those who don't get it,

1) You step on the clutch of the car, not click.
2) As above.
3) You mute it, not pause.
4) As above.
5) The Mummy Returns + The Mummy, Tomb of The Dragon Emperor NOT EQUALS TO Dragon Returns.

Eric's lousy lessons :

1) Paranormal pronounced as pah rah normal.
2) Bomoh pronounced as boom mer.
3) Dragonboat pronounced as dragon board.

For those who don't get it too,

1) Pear Rer Normal.
2) Bo Mo.
3) Dragonnboat.

Anywayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

TW's birthday dinner at wherever that place was was not bad. Screw that drinks not included shit, but the food were actually decent. Abit budget la they refill soup only pour half but otherwise it's all self-service.

Notable mentions goes to flying egg, and Kai Wen's bloody flying fishball that nearly burnt my ball.

Finally!

2008-07-29T05:40:00.001-07:00

80% of what has been bugging me for 5 years has finally been solved!

The other 20% though.. will need all of my determination to get rid of hah

But the most difficult part has already been done. First time in 7 years lol.

3 painful pokes.
20 mins painless drilling.
1 cupful of blood.
2 hours of numbness.
1 lifetime of confidence :)

HOW?

2008-07-27T10:13:00.001-07:00

It seems like I'm guilty of what I think people are doing also, so let's do something.

I.HATE.FINAL.YEAR.PROJECT.

Now, it's finally out. Wanted to say it for a freaking long time la.

How I wished IPP lasted 6 months. Why do we have to do this lousy shit man, stuck in that damn lab for 8 hours a day and expecting us like some trained doggie to do nothing but our project. No games. No food&drinks in lab. No interaction except with your partner.

It's more frustrating than a mental hospital la seriously.

Btw, I think I've said this more times than I've said fypj sucks, but I've really done nothing for 9 weeks. Apart from the enthusiastic week 1 where I did basically research work, week 2 til now has been the same old syndrome everyday.

It was week 3 when I started coming late.
By week 4 it became an everyday thing.
By week 7 I learnt how to not come at all.
By Week 8 I learnt how to spend 30 mins out of 8 hours in your lab everyday.
By the end of week 9, I learnt that there is no better way to waste your life than to enrol in a Polytechnic and wait for year 3.

WHATTTTTTTTTT DAAAAAAAA FARKKKKKKKKKKKK

And now I'm dead. Seriously. I managed to get past the week 7 presentation by stealing screenshots from IBM website and the previous batchs' work and posing as my own. Dunno why my supervisor so cock until so obvious it's not my work also he dunno can think I really did them all. But anywayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

It's week 10. The last week for me to finally START on my project when people are ENDING theirs. But it's irritating leh.

On 1 hand I don't wanna waste time going to school. On the other hand I don't really want to get a D for my FYPJ, even though in all honesty I deserve to fail.

I'm in a dilemma.
Catch 22 situation.
Between the devil and the deep blue sea.

HOW?

It's your decision

2008-07-26T10:50:00.000-07:00

The one thing I can't understand about online bitchfights is why despite it being nowhere near the intensity of a real brawl, the people involved seem to give it all and risk it all.

Recently our tiny island's arguably most (in)famous bloggers snowing.blogspot and some-other-xanga-website-I-don't-really-care about actually made it to the headlines! For all that pretty face of the Xanga babe and the *insert whatever* of that cheng teng, neither will grow to millionaires or leave their names as the most influential person in Singapore's annals.

So.. why the bitchfest? Who knows.

If they, as they always say, really do not give a shit about what the other person is saying or thinks about them, why go to all the extent of legal action? If you sincerely do not care about a person, does it matter if he/she calls you a two-faced hypocrite who lies for a living and hunts the streets of Geylang at night as part-time? I don't think so.

It's human nature to be defensive about one's self. It's natural to want to rebuke and defend yourself when someone you (don't) know chooses to flame you online, whether with valid proof or just mindless accusations. The decision lays with you eventually; whether to care and take part in that slugging or be nonchalant and ignore.

It doesn't take a saint to ignore bitching about you, and it won't hurt you in whatsoever way to live with it. It's the law of humanity to have differences.

It's your decision.

It's what you do with it. Do you get pissed and fight back despite saying you don't care, and end up looking like a foolish hypocrite in front of your friends, or do you ignore it and get on with live and pretend it never existed?

One thing's for sure. Those 2 sure aint doing the latter, despite all their 'I don't care' claims.

*Throws eggs at hypocrites*

Dark Knight review

2008-07-20T09:19:00.000-07:00

Before the thought of catching a midnight movie even came up, the only movie I had in mind was Red Cliff. With all the hype in the media and all that (twinkle twinkle little) star-studded cast and titanic (sinking in the sea) battle scenes, it's hard to NOT want to know more about it.

Unless you're talking about a superhero movie - The kinds that you know kids would love even if it sucked hard. Spiderman, Supermann, Batman, Iceman, Lizardman, wadafarkman blahblahblah.

So at 12:30am and with absolutely nothing else to look forward to, my friends and I went to what was widely expected to be a hell of a time enjoying the 2.5 hour movie. Few movies last more than 2 hours, and even lesser makes it 2.5 hours or longer, and even less of what's left will leave the audience so captivated it leaves them crying for more.

Off the top of my head, Pirates of the Carribean was definitely one. Lord of the Rings another. Who am I to argue with statistics? So did the Dark Knight measure up to all it's hype?

No.

I could find so many things wrong with it that I don't know where to start. First, the introduction was way horrible. I'm sure they liked to have a nice sweet and proper introduction to carefully shape up their characters for the plot but by the time there was any real meaningful action I could have sworn I was in the theatre for 4 hours.

I'm not sure if certain scenes were removed to allow for the PG rating, but assuming there weren't, there were some parts in the movie where I couldn't decide what in the world actually happened. Was the guy slashed across the cheek? Was he merely bashed across the jaw? Either way, that poor actor ended up lying on the floor so I guess it doesn't really matter.

Next. When last I recalled, the movie was called The Dark Knight, not The Joker. How the villian become the main character instead of the traditional good ole superhero continues to stump me. The actor behind all that grisly makeup may have put in an oscar-deserving performance, but even that is no justification to the overshadow-ness of the supposed main character.

For instance, all my friends and I could remember were

'WHY.. SO.. SERIOUS!" and
"Do you know how I got this scar?" and
"Do you know why I only use knives?" and
"Let me show you a magic trick"

from the Joker and all we could talk about the man in black, norturnal animal-like armour was his car.

I guess there is no need for further elaboration.

Perhaps the fact that my slippers were wet with rainwater and made it stink like sewage water made the movie less enjoyable than it should, but I would give that reason as much credit as a teacher would give his student for getting his brother to do his homework for him because he was busy helping his parents earn money.

Maybe the numbness in my ass from not moving for so long got to me, but I do not remember feeling the same way when I watched all 3 DVDs of LOTR at home in a single go.

The Dark Knight is actually good in plot, what with the maniac Joker and uber l33t cars and technology, but it still falls short on expectation to me.

To me, this movie hardly warrants it's 5/5 rating, which I ONLY award to movies like LOTR, for lack of a better example. In fact, I'm struggling to convince myself that this even deserves a 2.5.

When I finally decided that this show was worth a 3, the scoresheet read :

Joker 2 : Batman 1

First anime I hate.

2008-07-18T08:04:00.000-07:00

It's official.

The anime version of the manga Rosario Vampire completely, totally, utterly spoils the uberl33t and awesome image of it's black and white counterpart.

Those who have seen it but not read the manga version, do go for it.
Those who have read the manga but not watched the anime, consider suicide a better alternative.

2008-07-15T08:35:00.000-07:00

I really do not understand why the school turned smart so suddenly last Thursday and decided to implement the system of 1-punch-in-per-computer. It seriously sucks no matter how you look at it, what angle you view it from, and how long you think about it.

It's not even a good deterrent to stop people from getting their friends to punch in for them. All it serves is to add the factor of dulan-ness and delay their friends for about.. an extra 25 seconds?

I've always maintained my lab is particularly like a graveyard, but then again proper communication is key to maintaining my proud record of coming on time only twice in 5 weeks (And 1 was because I had a presentation). Just get your partner/goody-two-shoes-labmate-who's-always-early/really good friend to do the job for you. And just to be sincere, offer something in return for example

The Eric way : They punch in for you, you punch out for them.
The Hong Peng way : Similar to above.
The Jon way : Alternate days of coming on time to punch in for each other.
The Michelle way : 'I'm honest!' <-- Always early gal.

Main reason for me not coming early is yes I wanna sleep more. The guilt that bugs me while sleeping even thought I'm 2 hours overdue in lab has since long been gone. Just yesterday I broke my record by hitting the lab at 3pm, and yes going home at 4pm.

Secondary reason but no less important is.. I don't freaking understand my project. Yeah. I rather rot at home and watch outdated DVDs then head to the lab and... STONE.

Tertiary reason but definitely not the least significant is the issue that there's prolly nothing worth looking forward to in the lab. As I said, it's like a graveyard. Everyone minds their own business, and I'm not particularly eloquent around these particularly bunch of labmates. No offence to them, yeah they're cool and everything but I just can't seem to click with them.

This explains why during the first 4 weeks 3/4 of the time spent in school I spend it in Hong Peng/Darwin's lab. Hell I think I talk to their whole lab more than I do my own lab. Yeah. Week 5 to present I'm currently stuck in Michelle's lab. Now that's something worth looking forward to everyday!

But not significant to the point I'll give up 4 hours less sleep :)

Getting rid of redundant shit

2008-07-13T05:49:00.000-07:00

In a moment of sheer brilliance I decided to get rid of the 2 annoyingly annoying things here;

The tagboard, and the links to other people.

Main reason is, there's the comment section if people really wanted to say hi.

I know where my friends are, and I don't think I want strangers to find them as easily as I do.

Good riddance to redundant stuff.

Wise up

2008-07-13T04:43:00.000-07:00

The way I didn't go to register for the Basic Theory until I was peer-pressured to go to.
The way I took 2 months to complete something I had previously done so in 3 days. (Manga)
The way I didn't send my laptop for repairs until it got so serious I couldn't even start up.
The way I didn't cut my toe nails until they broke.
The way I didn't cut my hair until presentation day neared.
The way I left it til the last week of Attachment to say what I wanted to say.
The way I only re-installed Gunbound when the constant nagging by my friends became too overwhelming to ignore.

Procastination is an art. Only the very 'wise' know how to appreciate it.

My Time

2008-07-06T03:02:00.001-07:00

I'm reminded about old games which I used to heavily dominate among my friends just 2 days ago, when one of them invited me to have a game again.

2 of them were web-based games: Utopia and Earth, both of which can be found at http://www.swirve.com/.

Needless to say, for web-based games rarely survive more than 10 years, that these 2 ganes have drastically declined both in popularity and in number of players. The current crop of 17,000 is a far cry from the 150,000 during My Time. Needless to say too, I took every chance to boast of my achievements such as being ranked among the top 50 players of a particular race, as well as being in a Kingdom that was ranked top 50 in the whole Utopian world.

Person X : I'm now 2k acres, sitting on 300kNW and I'm a Lord.

Me : Chey. Back in My Time, I played all races and got all above 3k acres and 400kNW. Check out the rankings man, I used to be an Orc Baron!

All the glorious times back in My Time.

Similarly goes to one of my all-time favourite game in My Time : Gunbound!

Back in My Time in secondary 2, my friends and I were heavily addicted to the game. Some of them even created a Guild out of the LOTR theme. We played day and night, weekdays weekends, holidays non-holidays, tests exams normal schooldays. We played we owned we got pwned we laughed we cursed we screamed.

Glorious times back in My Time. The peak of my Gunbound-ing days came when I was in secondary 3. Rising through the ranks of a guild where rank was heavily emphasized on, I played 16 hours a day no problems. I joined guild fights, I took part in team-stacking, I did everything and more as a guild member. Even when the majority of the guild started to quit one by one due to their O-levels, I played on and attained the rank of sapphire wand.

Back in My Time, the number one player was awarded the rank of Silver Dragon, the bottom 4 Red Dragon, and number 6-20 Blue Dragon. Number 21 to 40 were Diamond Wand, while 41 to 300 were Red Wand. Below Red Wand came the rank of Sapphire Wand, popularly known as Blue wand.

The ranks were based on exp, such that those with the rank of Red Wand could still possibly be ranked 500, as long as everyone above them had the required exp. Only the top 20 players were assured of their Dragon ranks.

I never failed to emphasize on my rank. I never failed to show my winning %. I never failed to point to my dominance over some maps. The glorious times of My Time. Of course many people didn't believe me. Some dared to challenge me even, and told me I was lying when I said I beat Dragon-ranked players as often as I beat Wand-ranked players. Only a few believed me when I said in My Time, I was reasonably famous for defeating even hackers.

Let the glorious showcasing of talents of My Time continue!

Yeah people like to harp on and on about what they did in the past. Nothing was ever easy in Their Time. Similarly nothing was ever easy to me in My Time. Pro = Pro in My Time. Pro = Hacker/Botter now.

Back in My Time..

Blah who cares. What I do know is, back in My Time, I did not hate so many things as I do now.

Choices and Preferences

2008-07-04T04:33:00.000-07:00

I suddenly remembered a time not too long ago when many of my friends made a bet to see who could go on the longest without saying a single bad word. Suffice to say it didn't last long, and none of them seems to mind having what the general public deems a small vocab.

Anyway I remember it clearly, and here's how one of them lost. The place was set when we were discussing about a friend whom everyone felt was mildy retarded due to his highly anti-social behavior. Things got a little heated, when...

E: Can't you guys just leave him alone, fuck.
Y: Oi you say bad word!
E: *Hands over head in horror* Oh CB. EH OMG!
Everyone: LOL

Yep. Really funny. Obviously if I take the bet now, I wouldn't last 3 minutes without some serious controlling. I could if I really wanted, but it's more of I don't -see the need- to.

It's a matter of choice and preference. Just because I don't necessarily see the need to NOT pepper my language with colourful words doesn't mean I choose to.

Similarly just because some people choose not to say 'bad words' doesn't mean they prefer not to. Reputations are easy to tarnish. Reputations of others that is. Maintaining your own reputation is easy. Ego is easily satisfied.

I choose not to watch horror movies not because I fear the stupid sound effects or gory makeup. I'm rather quite annoyed with my own wild imagination, and I quite simply refuse to allow my imagination from preventing me from having a good sleep for.. 2 weeks? With that said, I enjoy a good horror movie over a mediocre comedy.

I prefer not to watch gore movies, but that doesn't mean I'm not conformatable with it. I simply do not find it as interesting as comedies or thrillers. Similarly just because I prefer not to -like- gore movies does not necessarily mean that I fear watching them.

It's all about personal preferences and choices. Neither are related, even though everyone seems to think they are.

To a more practical example;

You can be the smartest guy, the richest, the most popular, but if there's something trivial to you but unfortunately really big an issue to me that irks me, I can prefer to like you, but choose to not be your friend.

Simiarly, you can be the dumbest, most idiotic, poorest stuck-up bitch, but if there's something trivial to you, but fortunately really big an issue to me that I really find pleasant, I can prefer to dislike you, but choose to be your friend.

Meh, not many can understand my point but I leave it at that. I choose not to over-elaborate, and I prefer not to.

BTW Michelle, when's our next toilet break? :)

Management Lessons

2008-07-02T04:55:00.001-07:00

I found this in an interesting email, so thought I'll put it up. I think it's good for an occasional laugh from time to time.

Lesson 1

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour.

Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.' After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.

When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'' 'It was Bob the next door neighbour,' she replies.'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'

Moral of the story -
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Lesson 2

A clerk, an office worker and the manager were on their way out to lunch when they found an antique lamp. They rubbed it and a Genie pops out saying 'I'll grant you all 1 wish each'.

The clerk says 'I wish to be the richest man in the world, enjoying life in Hawaii where the sun and beaches are!'

*Poof* and the clerk disappears.

The office worker says 'I wish to be an immortal, with a never-ending queue of hot babes waiting to get laid!'

*Poof* and the office worker disappears.

'How about you?', asks the Genie to the manager.

The manager thinks about it, and says 'I want those 2 back in the office after lunch.'

Moral of the story -
Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 3

A snow leapard was sitting high up on a tree, resting and doing nothing. A small rabbit saw it, and asked 'Can I also sit and rest and do nothing like you?'

The leopard replied 'Sure why not.' so the rabbit sat on the ground and rested. Suddenly a fox jumped out of the bushes, and ate the rabbit.

Moral of the story -
You can only sit and rest and do nothing if you are sitting very very high up.

Lesson 4

A turkey was chatting with a bull, and it said 'I would love to be able to climb to the top of a tree one day, but I haven't got the energy.'

The bull replied 'Why don't you eat some of my dung? They're packed with nutrients!' and so the turney ate some of it's dung and found that it was filled with enough energy to reach the first branch of the tree.

On the 2nd night, after eating more dung, the turkey managed to reach the second branch!

Finally after the 5th night, the turkey ate enough dung to finally reached the top of the tree, but a farmer came along and promptly shot him down and brought him home for dinner.

Moral of the story -
Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

Final story

A little bird was flying south during winter, but it got so cold they he got frozen and fell fromt he sky. While he was lying on the ground, a bull came by and shit-ted on him. As the frozen bird lay there in dung, he began to realize how warm he actually was.

The dung was actually thawing him out!

The bird laid there all warm and happy, and began to sing in joy when he was almost completely freed. A passing cat heard the singing, and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird below the dung and dug it out and ate it.

Moral of the story -
1) Those who shit on you are not necessarily your enemy.
2) Those who get you out of shit are not necessarily your friend.
3) If you are in really deep shit, it's better to shut your mouth.

Famous Quotes

2008-07-01T07:52:00.000-07:00

“I tried being reasonable, I didn't like it.”

A : Alright have fun.
B : *Whacks A over the head*
A : WHAT THE **** DID YOU DO THAT FOR?!
B : You told me to have fun right?

"The enemy of my enemy is still my enemy."

"Happiness is like pissing in your pants. Everyone can see it, but only you can feel it."

"Sex is like playing with mud. You think it's great fun until you need to clean up."

A : Life is like...
B : Life is like...
C : Life is like...
D : STFU! Life is Life. No likes.

"Flaming online is like having an IQ of 10. Even if you win, you're still retarded."

Improvement

2008-06-24T04:50:00.000-07:00

Michelle will kill me... but yeah.

100 words

http://speedtest.10-fast-fingers.com">Speed test

370 points, so you achieved position 32197 of 1178425 on the ranking list.

You type 554 characters per minute. You have 100 correct words and you have 8 wrong words.

A dedication to my brother

2008-06-13T21:20:00.000-07:00

June 2008, Friday the 13th. The day I lost everything that I felt was keeping me alive in this damned family of mine. The day my brother was enlisted into the cursed goddamn time-wasting shit our pea-brained government called National Service. Fuck defending is our responsibility as a Singaporean. Fuck all that shit. You pussy-brained bitches sit high up in your office, emphasizing that defending Singapore is the job of 4.6million Singaporeans and yet only we, the damned males are getting enlisted. Tell me how fair is that? How are females defending the goddamn country by NOT doing anything?

So much for equality. Females. They demand the same or higher wages. They demand a bigger say in everything from politics to work to families. Yet they do not waste 2 years of their life rotting in some shit island, and having to do the same from time to time until they're all dried up and wrinkled at 40. Yes yes. The world is never fair right? So stop calling for equality.

My brother has been more of a man than any guy I've ever known, be it whatever idols people might have. Arnold Schwazzy? The Rock? Who gives a shit? Allow me to define.

*A person who does nothing particularly worth mentioning but yet manages to get his brother upset enough to even consider quitting school and enlisting for NS just to be with him is a man.
*A brother who commands love and respect more than any the level his brother's parents could possibly ever achieve is a man.
*A person who rarely fails to know when to defend his brother's pride from his freaking clueless parents is a man.
*A person who can make his brother cry just seeing him leave for NS is a man.

That is a true man in my eyes. Fuck 'Real men shed blood not tears'. Males are humans too.
You were weak. Much weaker than me health wise. You suffered from back and stomach problems. I could only watch as the days neared your enlistment. This day, I saw fear in your eyes. I heard your voice trembling. That itself made me weak. Whatever happened to my pillar of strength? Whatever happened to my strong support? For all my wants and desires you will be gone for 2 years, something I can do nothing but accept. You fear nothing that I know. The fear I saw in your eyes was probably a reflection of my inner self. As usual you were probably just simply uneasy before such a major life-changing event.

Your parents never made an attempt to understand you. Even when you yourself admitted to certain wrong-doings that caused them to utterly lose faith in you, I did not. Even now when they still do not trust you, mine has never dropped. Fuck it. I don't even care if you murdered. You're just the best thing that happened to my life. Screw parents. They're just beings that are here to bring you up based on the way they were brought up and based on their own fucked-up views on current society. They think nothing of shaming you in public or in front of your friends, and still manage to convince themselves that they did what they did with good intentions. We don't need them. Apart from the fact that I need a shelter over my head and the fact that all, if not most, of my friends are simply too afraid/realistic to go against their parents, I would have abandoned this shit home 4 years ago.

I. I believe that it was only I who truy understood you. It was only I who knew when exactly you needed what you needed. Girlfriends come and go, but I'm here for life. For all their slutty sweet nothings, their level of understanding will not reach mine for all eternity, let less surpass.
Hell we don't even talk much. The last time we spoke before today was probably 1 month ago. But who cares? That's our way of living and our style as unique brothers. Fuck others if they think bonds can't be built this way. Fuck them if they think what I said can't be true. They either have a brother who can't be bothered about them, or them simply don't enjoy the immense bonds I share with you, or they are extremely lucky they don't even have a brother.

Please. Whatever you do, may whoever sit in the Heavens guide you home safely. I will be there 2 weeks from now, waiting at Pasir Ris. The silence between us when you're around is deafening compared to the silence without you. So loud it makes me shatter as a whole. Your absence took away my very reason for even wanting to stay in this family. My family consists of only 2 persons, and that is you and I.

Not even a good dinner with classmates and a good comedy was able to lift my spirits to even half of usual. I'd give anything to have you exempted from NS, but that's not gonna happen for you have too much integrity to feign sickness. I will quit school now and enlist, but I won't because I know that's not what you will want to see. For that alone I will see this through.
For nobody but you. You my brother.

Random Testing

2008-06-10T04:55:00.001-07:00

94 words

Speed test

Just to prove I wasn't cheating :

365 points, so you achieved position 30732 of 1018817 on the ranking list.

You type 543 characters per minute. You have 94 correct words and you have 7 wrong words.

It's my LIFE

2008-06-08T09:32:00.000-07:00

It's so different. So so different than the hundreds I've seen, and the few I've owned at some point or another. It represented a new challenge, an unfortunately rather disturbingly intimidating one, and one that I'm not entirely sure I'll embrace for sure or succeed if I do so. The pessimist in me says I'm wasting my time though.

It was quite rather what I've been looking for. It was unique, unlike the tens of thousands on offer. It was strong in appearance and thought. Both good and bad.

For now I'm still figuring what to do with it. It can be split into 2 different categories, but currently I won't place it on the side that I hope it would be. That will change in future of course. Hopefully - if time allows and whoever sits in the Heavens decides so.

For now, EURO2008 FTW!

Superheroes are REAL

2008-06-06T22:49:00.000-07:00

As title says, superheroes do exist in our world after all.

Don't play with fire

2008-05-26T05:11:00.001-07:00

It's back. I can't say for sure why or how or even what is back, but I just know it's back.

The irresistable urge to..
The uncontrollable desire to..
The overwhelming lust for...

That hideous black lump that hasn't surfaced for a great many years is finally back. That streak of inhumanity, that bundle of crazed emotions, that all-encompassing dark that seems to devour the last shred of my humanity.

It's dangerous. I know it, but I cannot control it. It's just so.. powerful. For each passing day since the moment it arose from it's slumber it will grow, and it will not stop until.. it's stopped by.. I don't know. The only thing I know is.. emotions are going to get particularly crazy during these few crucial days. I'm sure if I can not do anything stupid that lands my ass in either the eternal hall of shame or jail for the next few weeks, I'll probably survive the year.

For now, I don't really need a spark. I won't speak of it, so don't ask. It's extremely intense, that's all I will give.

Ah so.. again?

2008-05-23T21:44:00.000-07:00

Finally the day came when the dreaded IPP ended. For all but a few of us, I'm pretty sure that the period before IPP were spent in fear/nerves regarding what we had to do during that period of 3 months, and it's safe to conclude that people weak in coding like me were praying hard to shred paper and make coffee everyday instead of having to build an application. Suffice to say people will be missed, save for that useless bitch whose mistakes I couldn't bother to correct anymore since I won't ever work with her again. Man if I somehow get to be her colleague again be it here or other company I'll resign on the spot.

Somehow the fears were all but gone after the 3rd week. As I correctly said before IPP began, it doesn't matter if it lasted for 12 weeks or 15 weeks or 20 weeks because by then we would have been so used to 'working' there that a few weeks less or more would have close to no impact. For my case yes that's true, since I'm so pretty much used to the environment there that I'm actually dreading having to go back to school. There we are paid, never mind the pathetic amount. Back in school we get.. well nothing since we paid for it. Back in SCS at least I get a free flow of hot drinks as and when I see fit. Not to mention the scores of babes and hot chicks I have to squeeze with on the extremely crowded bus if I have to work at 7am.

I would like to think I made at least some contribution to the department while I was there. Granted obviously mistakes were made every now and then, be it stupid or truly unknowingly ones but I took heart in the fact that there were the presents and many dinner outings done by my colleagues-for-3-months done for me and the other IPP guy with me as the days closed in on our inevitable departure.

As I speak, I'm actually considering whether to take up on my OIC's offer to hire me on a part-time paid-by-hour basis. Granted it's on a Saturday which is my traditional recuperation days, and the working hours are like 9am-9pm. Money's good. I mean, even if the pay is low the long hours more than make it up for it. I think I'll see how the first week of FYPJ goes first before deciding. If I come to be desperately bored and incredibly in need of cash, then yes I'll get the job.

For now though, perhaps the farewell dinner yesterday aint really farewell.

Tsukuyomi

2008-05-12T04:13:00.000-07:00

First time in 3 years (I think) that I took MC. Had a few occasions I fell sick, but I didn't particularly felt the need to visit a doctor. Today however was really different. In normal situations I would probably have ignored it and gone to school/work anyway but for the first time in my life I was unable to get any sleep for reasons apart from excitement, anticipation, nerves or fear. Til now I remember very clearly what happened throughout the night.

It felt like I was hallucinating, or trapped in some kind of a illusion. I remember I started dreaming the moment my head hit the pillow, and that's where all the nightmare started. Wait, it aint even a nightmare. For convenience's sake, I'll just assume I was hallucinating. So throughout the night I was lying on my bed, feeling like crap and unable to do anything that required more strength than a cough.

For Naruto fans, just imagine being trapped in a Genjutsu, one that you really thought was real even when you are sitting up on your bed for that's what I went through. It's not easy to differentiate between reality and an illusion when you are extremely tired, and even more so when you are running a fever. For the first time in my life I was actually afraid to sleep. But the real issue was even when I was awake 100% I was still hallucinating. Replays of my dreams kept flashing in my head, and they were as good as reality to me. Every toss and every turn resulted in more severe hallucinations.

I can't explain it. This is vastly different from a normal daydream, or a normal procastinating dream whereby you wake up in the morning, but plonk right back in your bed and start dreaming immediately. For these 2 situations, you -know- they were dreams, and more often than not you actually look forward to having more of those dreams. For this hallucination, I was completely unable to differentiate between illusion and reality. As I said above, I was fearful of going back to sleep but when you can't even walk in a straight line, you have 0 chance of sitting up without support for anything more than 10 minutes.

Leaving it at that, Manchested United for the double FTW!

Desperation in Panic

2008-04-24T05:57:00.000-07:00

Today I finally got a taste of panic and desperation at work. Though this is merely an attachment, and I won't get into trouble even if I screw up big time, I felt extremely lost for an hour.

I had a user who utterly defeated me. He trashed me. He totally out-witted me. He completely bamboozled me. I had no answer to his attacks. I had no ideas to his questions. I stuttered like an idiot. I 'er' and 'erm' like I had never heard of my job before.

In short, I was really, totally completely utterly convincingly stripped of whatever thoughts I might have held about myself being good at this job.

To be fair to him, he wasn't a difficult user. Thinking from his point of view, he had every reason to be demanding. To be fair, he had every right to be angry. It was the way he demanded and the things he wanted. Yes he wanted answers. But more importantly, he wanted things I wasn't sure I could provide. In short, he was just an overly-demanding user.

1) He wanted an email detailing exactly what my engineers have done so he can have a record.
2) He wanted me to give him a deadline on when the problem can be resolved.
3) He wanted me to call an IT expert guy to help him, even though my engineer told me that he has to make the call himself.
4) He wanted my engineers to attend to him directly.
5) He bombarded me with questions regarding my project, efficiency, service level agreement, and other probably significant details but otherwise less-known stuff.

My reply? Or rather thoughts that went through my mind at the point of him asking?

1) We have no such practice. We never ever do, to the best of my understanding and knowledge, email users directly. But yet, I wasn't 100% sure because I had never asked my seniors about it before.

2) How the fuck can I give him a deadline? We call centers are the middleman. I can't give a fucking answer when my engineers themselves don't reply. Engineers don't give me a specific deadline = tell user what? Then user demands deadline. How the fuck to tell him?

3) True, he is testing my patience to the limits. True he has every right as a user/customer to demand that we the service helpdesk help him make the call. But even when I told him that the IT expert from ICA would most likely need to talk to him directly, he said that's fine. He wants the ICA guy to call him instead of him doing the calling. Hey seriously fuck you. I don't care if you are a customer. FUCK YOU.

4) Get this fish-faced bitch. We never ever give out engineer's number or email. Unless they choose willingly to contact you directly, we have no authority to tell them what to do. I can't do a single flying fuck even if you demand me to get my engineer to attend to you personally.

5) So what if you are an IT guy in a government agency? That gives you the fucking divine rights to question us helpdesk in efficiency and service level deals? Who gave you freaking permission to complain when even ICA staff themselves have no complains? As I said above, I don't really give a flying fuck that you are a customer. I'm only bowing down to you because I want good grades for my attachment. If this were my job, I'll fucking insult your entire family linage and curse you into oblivion and gladly resign.

All you do is tell me 'I hope you understand'. Then have you tried to understand our position? All you care about is your fucking problem. So you think we don't have any? So you think your problem is as you said 'From my point of view this is a severity 1 issue' and hence should be resolved by getting our busy engineers to attend to you? Damn you and your family. Go fuck your dog. I have the biggest of respect for programmers and the engineers that are in charge of this project are the ones maintaining the system for ICA. I can't believe you, of all people an IT person yourself, could fail to understand debugging takes time. You, I'm afraid are as respectable as decomposing whale shit.

Do you even know how badly your words can harm a person? Fuck you for that. Thanks to you, I felt like the world's lowliest person. Thanks to you, I felt like a useless piece of shit. Thanks to you bastard, my day was ruined. Sure, I'll have both hands in the air to admit that my knowledge was probably insufficient to attend to you to your satisfaction. True, my hesitation might have caused you even more anger but fuck you for your sarcasm. Son of a bitch. We customer service agents are HUMANS too. Fuck you if you think we are here as your punchbag. Fuck you if you think everything will go your way just because the common concensus is 'Customer is always right'. Fuck you if you think your threat of lodging a complain against me willl work. Dude, I've been threatened to be sued in court before when I worked in Tiger Airways. You think a fucking little complain to my project manager in ICA will have an impact on me? I didn't even lose sleep over a potential lawsuit. What harm would say, a scolding from my boss have on me? Fuck you for that stinking piece of attitude.

I might not have the resources to take you head on, but trust me I have plenty of 10 cent coins to use on payphones to curse you into fucking hell. I have your office and handphone number. I don't give a shit about privacy issues. I don't care about confidentiality and I'm about to break the law. Fuck that. You want to mess with me? Come on. All you can do is give me hell at work. Once my attachment ends, there's nothing you can do. I, on the other hand, am perfectly capable of copying your number into my phone and spamming it at my leisure.

Just try pushing the button Kok Kuan. Try me.

Sense of sensing broken down

2008-04-19T05:49:00.000-07:00

Just the other day, I explained to TW how to get your sense of smelling spoiled. If you think about it from another angle, it probably cures blocked nose for the sick, and makes your nose rotten for the healthy.

Solution?

Get stuck in between 2 bangalas, one of whom has the world's smelliest perfume.

I'm beginning to think that the widely popular and common mis-perception that bangalas who work as construction workers doesn't know the meaning of taking a bath might not be entirely racist or false after all. Such was my ordeal. If you're stuck in a crowded bus with... the equivalent of 2 rubbish dumps in front of you and 10 minutes later you begin to smell nothing even when your nose aint blocked, you know something is seriously wrong. And when the guy with the perfume that smells like a 1000 year old rotten egg leaves the bus and you can still smell it after 5 stops, you know something is totally wrong with 1) Your nose 2) That smelly bangala or 3) Both.

With that said, I was pretty much practicing how to ruin my eyesight further. The mystery of who first 'invented' the idea of bringing one's eyes to the middle is unsolved. Granted it freaks many people out, I find it interesting. Some people think bringing their finger closer and closer to their nose until it touches it will aid in bringing their eyes together. For me, I guess it's natural talent.But back in the office, I was busy practising the art of bringing only -1- to the middle, while the other turns in the opposite direction.

An illustration is in order.

Normal eyesight which is looking forward:

l l

Bringing them to the center :

/ \

What I practised and actually succeded:

/ /

as well as : \ \

It looks the same as when you are simply using both eyes to stare in a particular direction without turning your head, but it's not. The difference is, one of your eye is staring straight down the center, while the other looks left/right instead of both looking left/right. Extremely intense. not for those with poor eyesight.

Anyway, I'm convinced my sense of hearing is getting worse with the way I'm blasting my ipod on the bus daily.

So... may my sense of touch/taste be spared.

End of the road

2008-04-11T22:22:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was an extremely bad day, even for the most optimistic of people.

1) My colleague told me wrongly that another colleague was off, meaning the project I was handling will have no agents attending to from 7am to 9am. Hence, I assumed I was the only one possible to take care of it and hence I decided that I had to work at 7am.

2) The bus I was on freaking rammed into a car off the exit of Paya Lebar road near the entrance of PIE.

3) I stepped on shit.

4) My colleague continues to piss me off.

5) Someone was absent.

How bad can a day get? I spent 15 minutes ont the bus wondering what the hell am I supposed to do. Stay on the bus? Walk to the nearest bus stop and wait for another? Then I spent an hour in the office toilet clearing the poo off my shoe. Fuck you owner of whatever animal for not clearing up your pet's mess. You irresponsible imbecile. The world is better off without you. Just get aids and die already you sick freak maniac bastard. And of course, the whole day is spent feeling pissed with my colleague. As usual, she saw emails coming in, and did not do anything except continue with MSN. When asked? her reply was 'I dunno how to do' -_-

Worst of them all was probably the absense of someone. Someone who I look forward to meeting everyday, albeit for only 10 minutes. But given the shit I've had to endure with the shithead of a colleague I have, that 10 minutes was desperately needed, but was significantly missing.

Overall, one of the worst days I've had in my life.

Pretty woman(s)

2008-04-10T07:36:00.000-07:00

Ok since 2 (horny) guys decided that my title was misleading, I shall have this entire post dedicated to women then.

First of all, let's start with Michael Jackson.

Nah.

Been a rather great week so far.

Ups = Getting a positive response from Mei Hong after helping her on her report. Thanks MH. I hoped I really helped you as much as you said I did.

Neutral = No response from Hong Yee after helping her on report. Mind letting me know?

Downs = Getting negative response from Su Min after helping her on report. Sorry SM. Sorry for not helping as much as you thought I could

Super Downs = Getting a retarded new colleague.

I think I've complained about her to TW so many times he can memorize it by heart, but seriously I did not exaggerate on anything. Like I've said before, my work in this IPP is mainly logging, closing, and escalation work through emails and simple troubleshooting through telephone calls. Why do I condemn her so much?

1) She's extremely slow. She takes 4 minutes to LOG a case. (Even on my first week, I was able to log a case in under 2 mins. My record now stands at 56 seconds. Her record is 3 minutes 47 seconds.)

2) She's extremely slow. She takes 2 mins to UPDATE a case. (Even on my first week, I was able to update a case under 45 seconds. My record now stands at 13 seconds. Her record is 5 hours.)

3) She's extremely slow. She takes 2 mins to CLOSE a case. (Even on my first week, I was able to close a case under 30 secodns. My record now stands at 13 seconds. Her record is 5 days.)

4) She's extremely slow. She takes 5 minutes to understand a problem. (Even on my first week, I was able to do so in 1 minute.)

5) She's extremely slow. She takes 10 minutes to complete a whole cycle of logging, sending email. (Even on my first week, I was able to do so in under 4 minutes.)

6) She's extremely NO INITIATIVE. Even when there are incoming mails, there are times when I've caught her browsing through it, and then going back to her little MSN chat. Doesn't she know how to at least ask the seniors or me if she doesn't know how to handle it? If she knows how to settle it, why the FUCK is she ignoring it?

7) She's extremely *insert vulgarity*. Even if I give her EXACT instructions like 'Ok, Update the CA and write under resolutions 'MHA called to inform case can be closed.' then send email to engineer.' she will still after 4 minutes ask me 'Erm is it write in the CA 'MHA informed can close case?'. WHAT THE FUCK? You mean even after 2 weeks of teaching you, you still don't freaking get it? Worse thing is, I GAVE FREAKING EXACT INSTRUCTIONS. JUST FREAKING FOLLOW?

8) She's 19 going 20, meaning she's a dragon baby. Even though I'm her mentor, I still need to show her respect not only as human and a mentee, but also for the fact that she's elder than me. Hence, I'm unable to bring myself to scold her, something which I've previously done in my previous experience in a call center. This has nothing to do with her being a female. My honest opinion is that sex doesn't freaking matter as long as you come out to work. Who cares if you have a sausage or a hole when you can't get a freaking simple job done?

9) She's... I'm running out of words to describe her. She takes breaks so frequently I swear she almost has a 2 hour lunch everyday. WTF? Many times, I've spotted her going out for a drink even when she saw that there were emails. WTF? IGNORING WORK AGAIN?

10) I'm just gonna sum it up. SHE'S FUCKING NOT SUITED TO WORK. She's slow, she's showing totally no initiative, showing poor attitude, showinng a complete lack of interest, and a total disregard for company rules.

True, her typing speed is honestly like.. 20 words per minute(I'm not kidding). She types with 3 fingers but I don't discriminate against slow typers. I don't care if you type fast or slow, as long as you KNOW exactly what you are doing. Problem is, SHE DOESN'T. She types slow, she ignore emails, she doesn't know what to do evena fter 2 weeks of training, she doesn't know what to do even after I give her detailed instructions. Like seriously, what the fuck is wrong with her? I assume many people will think I'm exaggerating, but I am not. Not even a little bit. Today, my colleague scolded her much to my delight for being slow. As I said, I can't bring myself to scold her for the simple fact that she's elder than me.

Oh which reminds me. Today's really the last straw. After lunch, she told me she has logged a case. Usually after logging new cases, we are required to send 2 emails to 2 different parties. I said ok, and thought wow she finally got the gist of it. What happened? I checked the records, and the case was logged 20 minutes ok. Fine. I checked the emails, AND SHE FUCKING DIDN'T SEND ANY! WTF? I asked her 'Erm did you send out the emails?' Her reply? "Haven't.. I scared do wrong so want to let you see first.." WHAT THE FUCK MAN. There was another colleague around when I went for lunch. I asked why didn't she ask him, she said 'I see him like very busy scared to ask him wait disturb his work' TMD KNN. I came back saw him reading newspaper! How BUSY is that you bitch? And, after telling me she didn't send the emails, she just walked out for lunch. CCB! And she was supposed to be tapping my calls to learn. The few times that I called out to her to get her freaking shithead onto the headset, she took so long that the call almost ended and all she heard was my closing script. If I didn't ask her to come, I think you can guess what happens. Yes you are right, she will cotinue with her MSN and ignore me. NNB I don't know how you even got this fucking job. If not for the fact that there's nobody else(Because everyone else is taking 2 or more other projects while I'm only in charge of 1) to teach you, I won't even bother 1 second of my precious life on you snail crap.

Sorry TW, but I think the abuse will continue. If I don't complain to someone I'm honestly afraid I'll really go against my morale and end up scolding her. I'm not trying to show anything here, but I really do am afraid of seeing girls cry.

Extreme Ups for the day though = Waffle girl!

Internal secret between me and TW.

With that said, pretty woman...

WALKING DOWN THE STREET~~

Pretty woman...

2008-04-03T07:22:00.000-07:00

2 days ago I attended the funeral of a grandfather I never knew. A grandfather I only heard mentioned by my mother twice in all my 18.5 years. 1 was last year, when I was informed that he was in hospital dying. 2 was 3 days ago that he's dead. I know it sounds bad, but I don't give a shit about him. I don't care if he's the world's richest man and about to give me his entire inheritence, or he's the world's most faithful religious guy, or even the world's most lowliest beggar. All I know is, he's a damn ass for abandoning his family. I don't give a fuck whether he's truly repentant and has sincerely changed. He's still the lowest form of a man in my eyes. He's failed as a father, a husband, and a grandfather.

Me, who lost both my paternal grandparents whom I was close with, will never accept him as a grandparent. I've lived fine 18 years having only 3 grandparents, and I will always live fine having 3. I have no need of a 4th. His existence has no impact on my life, and I can say he is completely a stranger to me.

Tell me, who enjoys attending a stranger's funeral? Truth be told, I only took 2 days leave, because 1) my mum asked me to and I'm not such a heartless bastard to tell my mum that I'm not interested(Even though I really wasn't interested) and 2) because the services were in evening, and I get to sleep later in the morning and game the afternoon away. I sound like a heartless bastard anyway, but let me see what you will do when your mum gets you to attend the funeral of some crazy ass you haven't met and only heard about twice. Naturally I'm not particularly proud of this, and have only told this to people when I need to. But then again I felt the need to say I won't acknowledge him as my grandfather, regardless of the fact that it is indeed a fact. This aint a Korean tv show or a Hong Kong serial where I'll break down in front of his tomb and cry 'oh sad grandfather I wished I knew you more'. I mean it when I say I won't EVER acknowledge him, and this has nothing to do with my temper. I hate broken families. I refuse to forgive those who are the cause of broken families. I despise them. They should rot in fucking hell. We should play techno music at their funerals, and wished why hadn't they died sooner.

On a lighter note, I realized I miss helping my classmates very much. Earlier on in the afternoon, I was approached by MH to help editting her report. Admittedly my command of England is probably the goodest in class, so I'll never turn down anyone when they really need help. What I didn't expect was that immense sense of satisfaction when MH thanked me so many times for my help it made me feel like.. WOW. Shit that feeling of helping someone really feels good. I feel high now. I didn't help her btw, just to show off to her my english. I did it because I had the time to spare and I really wanted to help. Then again I think I would have made time to help even if I was busy. It's not really my nature to turn down people, unless 1) I'm pissed or 2) I'm pissed or lastly 3) I'm pissed.

So.. YEAH. I FEEL GOOD TADATADATADATADA

Oh yeah. Forgot to mention TW came my house to let me install Worms last week. Man it seriously felt damn good to see someone familiar in a month. We walked out, and he skipped 2 bus so we could talk longer lol. Really feels good man. I rushed through my current bleaching(TW should understand) in order to generals on saturday with him.

I look forward to a match of generals with anyone. Currently there's only an air force general on the field, and it's a TW. Cya on the battlefield on saturday yo?

The journey thus far

2008-03-22T00:02:00.000-07:00

1 word. VERY boring. Oh that's 2 words. Ok. BORING.

For 3 weeks I've been doing nothing but logging emails and waiting for dumb people to call in. I've 0 idea how someone who chose the IT track landed up in the customer service area. Man they need the results of my personality test. I'm neither friendly, nor suited for customer service. I'm good at pissing them off and making their problems bigger though.

But at least I've came to accpet this attachment as a reality - that no matter how boring the work is, or how fucked-up the working hours, atmosphere, colleagues are, I've got to stay here for 3 months. Since it's like this, I might as well take the chance to make live more interesting for myself. Panic > boredom. Stress > boredom.

Thus... I shall pester my OIC to give me more work to do.

Sounds so un-Jonathan right?

I turned gay overnight.

2008-03-07T06:15:00.000-08:00

If there's ever a time to feel legally emo and get away with it without sounding like a complete sissy, it's gonna be now. It still sounds gay, but I'd rather throw up some sensitive issues now then risk regretting never mentioning it. So here goes... weird as it might sound, I actually do seriously miss all the folks I've spent 2 years studying with. I might not know each and every one of them half as well as I would have liked, but it's no difference anyway. I won't get to see many of them for 6 months, and some I might never see again. In any case that really happens... (In no particular order) Significant or not, I've had in 1 point or another had special moments with everyone. Some will remain as such - secret.

Mei Hong - I might not know you as well as I would have liked, but you will always be a hardworking student who never gives up easily in my eyes.

Fah Yin - I realize there's perhaps some awkwardness due to certain events that took place last time. I hope what's past is past, and we can forge a great friendship once more should we meet again.

Si Hui - Similarly, I might not know you as well as I would have liked, but I appreciate your willingness to lend me a helping hand whenever I requested for it. From answering tutorial questions to giving me your entire exam notes, you never hesitated or rejected helping me. I thank you sincerely for that.

Hong Yee - What started out as a promising friendship soon faded away, as we both grew in different directions. Nevertheless, the first impression I had of you will always remain, that of a very determined girl with a never-say-die attitude full of optimism.

Su Min - I hope you took lightly my many nicknames for you. It's true indeed that sometimes I am insensitive with my words. Please believe that they were not done with the intention of causing you distress. Despite my constant and probably irritating claims that you look emo, I sincerely believe that you are a pretty cheerful person with a bright personality.

Michelle - Always a dependable friend, even though I know you half as well as I would have liked to. The days leading up the IPP spent communicating with you were wonderful, and I look forward to having the chance to communicate with you freely again. I really enjoyed your open-mindedness too. Instead of getting angry and telling me to stop it when I went around claiming during the chalet that 'I washed with Michelle' and 'We did it 5 times', you took it in your stride and played along. That was way cool for a girl, if you ask me.

Lydia - Similarly with Su Min, I hope you forgive my regular taunts of you. I might not admit it openly, but you do really have a pretty soothing voice. Your greatest asset is probably your optimism, never battling an eyelid even in the face of difficulties and always smiling. That, I truly believe, overshadows any weak points you (might) have.

Yvonne - I realize we drifted apart after the first semester after an unfortunate series of events, but I too hope we can go back to the old days where communication was free and easy.

Now for the guys..

Thong Wah - I'm so dependent on you for trivial matters that I feel damn lost alone in IPP. From small stuff like where's the first lesson located, to what's the link to this and that website, you never failed to help me even though I swear sometimes you really didn't want to. I thank you for what. You too never failed to control your temper, even though sometimes I can feel quite clearly I've stepped over the lines. I thank you for that too. I must be blessed to have such a dependable friend like you.

Yu Xiang - I don't really know you as well I really would have liked. Your social 'capabilities' alone make you a friend worth having. The way you helped me survive through the Java project makes me drop my head in shame to this very day. I thank you for being such a selfless and generous person.

Hong Peng - Though sometimes I really don't know what to talk to you about, it's good to know that you are an expert in being both serious and mature at the same time. During the chalet, we had a long 2 hour chat about almost everything, with you listening to me blabbering to things you probably don't care about for about 70% of the time. Yet, you displayed a level of attention and interest not possible for most people. That really made my day.

Darwin - I swear sometimes, I seriously wish to just kill you. Not just the throw a book at you or kick your ass kind of kill, but really knife through your throat kinda kill. I can't explain why, so don't ask me about it. Nevertheless, it's good to know you. You are dependable, and I can rely on you for many things. That in itself, makes it worth not killing you.

Chen Yao - Same with Darwin, sometimes I seriously wish I can kill you. However, don't underestimate the potential of your 'sayings' or jokes. They have the ability to break down awkward silences, and that's an extremely useful ability I wish everyone had.

Eric - I'm glad that even after a horrible first semester due to a series of unfortunate events, we bounced back and became even better friends than we initially were. As with SCY and Darwin, I wished I could kill you sometimes too, but then again I bet there were times you 3 wished I could just die as well. I thank you three, or actually 4 including TW for bearing with me through difficult times. Anyway, I don't care if you laugh at me for saying this, but I will miss the days we scold each other vulgarities for nothing. 'KP LA' yes?

Maven - I don't know you as well as I expected, but your ability to break down ice as though it never existed continue to amaze me till this very day. The way you engage friends as if you have known them for centuries.. priceless.

Carleton - I'll miss the times we spent online in panic over a test or assignment due soon. Sounds trivial I know, but it's really a hundred times better than having nobody to share my panic attacks with.

Guang Yun - The joker and clown of the class. Having a cheerful personality that rivals even that of Lydia, I thank you for your never-ending efforts in trying to make everyone laugh, though it's sometimes at the expense of somebody else. I hope you understand your importance in our class. Yes it's true that sometimes I wish you could just STFU and keep quiet for a few minutes, but the number of times where you made me laugh far outnumber the times where you irritated me. I'll want you in my class anytime of the day.

In case I don't get to see any of my classmates again, I guess I can afford to look back and say I had fond memories of them. It's almost 100% that all of them had in some point of the 2 years together with me, wanted to confront me over something, but it's the same for them. All I can say is, I really hope we can be together as a class again. I'll try and change to be a better person the next time we all get a chance to congregate again. If not for my own good, it will be for you guys. Take care people, wherever you are. (I have not forgotten ex-classmates like Jasmine. Shall talk about you some other day :))

The Departed

2008-03-02T03:50:00.000-08:00

Only 5 days after the end of exams does the attachment begin. With a 3 day 2 night chalet in between, the total amount of rest equals 2 days, not much difference with a regular weekend. The thought was depressing initially. I wasn’t mentally prepared for an internship, especially since my ‘technical competence’ is really weak. When I say weak, I don’t mean myself getting a C when I was –expecting- a B. I meant me getting an F when I was -hoping- for a D. So.. yeah but when it comes, it’ll come. No point trying to avoid or running away. Sooner or later I’ll have to get an attachment anyway. I’m pretty confident I’ll be able to do what’s expected of me when the time requires it. Just, not much coding work please or I’ll seriously die.

Anyway, the chalet was fun the least to say. I saw my classmates act in a way I never thought possible, I did things I never thought I would, and all in all it was as wild as I had hoped it would be. I realized not everyone would be able to stand 2 straight nights without sleeping, or at least a rest so I didn’t push my luck and clocked about 2 hours per night as well, even though I know I could stay up for 3 nights if I really had to.

But anyway, things like :

-Seeing how out-of-control people can get while drunk
-Seeing how drunk people think they're still sober
-12 people cramming onto the space of 4 beds
-Me washing with Michelle alone in the toilet (I refuse to provide further details)

made it really fun. Not to mention the effects of alcohol.

-Maven and Carl getting drunk
-Chen Yao getting tipsy

First day was pretty boring, though still entertaining. We did pretty much nothing except cleaning up the stinking-cheat-your-money chalet and chit-chatting while waiting for everyone to arrive. The entire stretch of the chalet was deserted, save for the bicycle rental directly next to us and Maven enjoyed the luxury of telling how the chalet was haunted. Entertaining definitely. We took a long, slow and painful 20 mins to the nearest hawker center. The pace was that of an old couple enjoying a walk in the park, but nobody complained for 2 major reasons.

1) This IS a chalet after all, and the keyword was FUN.
2) We aint in any hurry. Being too fast means burning up more energy and end up feeling tired.

We ate, talked and enjoyed a slow walk back once more. After, the entire bunch of us wallked to parkway parade at a reasonable fast pace. The kind of pace you would walk at if you had class at 8am and it's now 7:50am. Not too fast, but not exactly normal too. Even with that, it took some 35 minutes to get there for our supplies. I developed blisters, and Eric and Yu Xiang were to suffer the same fate later on. Thankfully, it healed on the very same night itself. Blame it on a pair of 5 year old slippers. Now I have a valid reason to get a new pair! But anyway, buying was easy. It's a simple case of.. See something nice, dump it into the trolley. Carrying everything back was different of course, and we had to depend on taxis for that. We had enough energy to walk back of course, but we weren't sure the ladies had. And I had blisters to boot. Walking back was out for me. So 3 guys and 5 gals took cabs and we took most of the stuff with us. By the time everyone arrived back and took a bath and headed up for the comforts of air-con, it was 1am+ but I felt like it was only 10pm+. Weird huh. But anyway we popped in 2 DVDs and watched it till it was nearly 6am. By that time most were clearly minutes away from collapsing and some were already knocked out. The ones who were bright awake headed down for card games. I brought up the idea of 'Cheat' and Yu Xiang, Carl, Chen Yao, Maven and I played till fatigue was 100% gone. Then came the drizzle to wash away away our excitement.

Second day started dull. Raining during a chalet doesn't exactly mean fun. It basically means no outdoor activities. We waited out for it to stop to a drizzle, before 7 guys and gals went out for some Mac breakfast. It was only after eating that the fatigue really started. Sitting there in the restaurant, I definitely could doze off if not for the people around to entertain me. After that it was a slow walk back to the chalet. I used the toilet at the recep, main reason being I didn't want to stink the whole chalet, and dropped a Mother of All Bomb. Again, if not for the fact that something was getting forced out of my ass every 3 seconds, I think I would have fallen asleep sitting on the toilet bowl. I feared we were gonna run out of toilet rolls, so I shamelessly took the one at the public toilet and openly walked back to the chalet with it in hand. Thankfully, there already was a spare roll. Anyway, the fatigue meter hit full mark and I dropped down on one of the empty beds and rested. I woke up 2 hours later feeling fresh and saw 3 other guys in dreamland. The rest had gone out for a walk. I joined them for a brief moment before we all headed back.

Then came the swimming and BBQ. Summary : Fun. Then Maven and Carleton started to get high on alcohol. Hong Peng and I bore the brunt of their taunts for not wanting to drink but it's ok. They were already clearly drunk despite looking cool. They clearly weren't thinking properly so it was no big deal. More than 1 person absolutely has to stay sober when there is a risk of having to control 4 drunk people. Admittedly my tolerance for alcohol isn't very high, but I chose to stay sober then risk getting drunk. My theory has always been drinking is ok, getting drunk aint. Anyway, those that were tired headed up to sleep, while those bright awake like me went out for a walk. Me, Darwin, Hong Peng and Kai Wen took a 2 hour walk to and fro Bedok Jetty. HP and I talked about almost everything, from things like wishing we had a slack attachment, to our own personalities. At 5am, they wanted to head back to Bedok Jetty to catch the sunrise, but I wasn't keen. My legs were thoroughly aching and my back breaking. I was desperately in need for a place to lie down and perhaps catch and hour or 2 of sleep if I were lucky. That pretty much sums up the whole experience. Doesn't sound interesting on paper, but it's totally different in the flesh. This being the last day we'll get to see each other for 3 months, naturally emotions were pretty much... sombre. Though nobody displayed it openly, it was obvious everyone was sad to say goodbye.

To my dearest class DBI0608, especially to the ones who I potentially might not see and study with forever again :

I definitely will miss you guys. I treasure the times we had together, and even though there were times I wish I could kill some of you there and then, you guys were really one hell of a group. It was the first time I had a class where no bitter rivalries existed so you guys will be remembered even long after graduation. So... TAKE CARE GUYS!

Women really ARE trouble

2008-02-15T04:01:00.000-08:00

Money is the root of all evil.
Greed is the root of all evil.
Lust is the root of all evil.
Women is the root of all evil.

I'm inclined to believe the last.

Women.. they really are trouble. How exactly they can choose to apply logic at the worst possible times is beyond me. How exactly it is possible for them to throw tantrums and have mood swings faster that you can say 'What's going on?' defies logic.

Women..

They claim someone is their most beloved, and two-time him 3 days later.
They claim they aint eager to do something, but end up doing it 2 days later.
They claim it is your fault, but never once wondered if they had a part.
They claim they were forced into it, but enjoys it secretly behind his back.
They blame you for spending 2 hours with another gal instead of going to MSN with her, and end up spending 7 hours a day for 2 weeks with another guy instead of you.
They blame your lack of efforts while citing the MSN incident, while happily ignoring their own lack of efforts.
They say they need to cool down and ask you not to bother her, while 3 days later she blames you for not doing anything for 3 days.
They claim your lack of actions forced it all, when she herself is guilty of it.
They claim your lack of concern pisses her off, but shouldn't it have been clear from the start?
They claim they don't wish to argue, when all you're doing is making things clear.
They claim you're unreasonable, when all you're doing is trying to understand their inability to make things clear.
They claim they need time to think, when they have long ago made up their mind.

Women.. They really are trouble.

Breaking the limits

2008-02-05T09:57:00.000-08:00

One mans' meat is another mans' poison.

How simple to just say it.

I wonder how exactly were humans built/created such that there are billions of different personalities out there? How is it possible for a person to think murder is perfectly reasonable and should be legal, while billions think it immoral and should be punishable by death? How is it possible for a person to think money is everything, while millions think money is something sacred and should be used wisely?

We do what we think, and we give advice based on our own experiences. Not including the times where we deliberately give bad advice out of spite, we usually expect people to conform to our own beliefs, which are largly passed down from our parents. For example, I don't really expect a Catholic family to produce a Buddhist and swear-by-smoking gangster.

It's impossible to understand the human mind. We would die trying to, but we won't succeed anyway.

Please call 97830525 to donate $ to charity.

2007-12-03T08:19:00.000-08:00

Had a great weekend. One of the best in my recent memory actually. A bunch of Maple friends came all the way from overseas just to pay me a visit. How cool is that? There were like 4 Malaysians and an Australian, as well as several other Singaporeans all meeting for the first time, even though they’re like the best of friends online. It can be intimidating seriously. After all, pictures can only guide you so far and as far as my personal experience goes, pictures are quite horrible guides to finding the real person.

The planning itself took weeks. One of them was coming for the marathon, and I used a great deal of time persuading the others to come over as well and obviously I succeeded. Issues like $$ and other minor stuff needed taking care of and so it was decided that they would book at hotel at JB instead of SG, and come for 3 days. Thankfully there was a friend who lived in JB but studies in SG so it was possible for her to be the ‘tour guide’.

The first day, Saturday, I only met them in the evening due to miscommunication. I initially assumed the discussion to mean that they were coming from 1st to 4th December, when they were actually returning on the 3rd. Got a humongous fantabulously super-duper-hyper-uber scary shock when they called to say they had already assembled. And waiting for –ME-. When friends come from overseas specifically to pay YOU a visit, meeting them should override any other priorities you have, even if your dog died or whatever. Whether on moral grounds or social etiquette, you have the responsibility of placing their well-being over all others for as long as their visit lasts IMO. Thankfully I did just that. I rushed over from Tanah Merah, where I was at a real life best friend’s house all the way to Orchard even though I promised I would stay for dinner. Obviously he was disappointed, but I simply can’t go against my own nagging conscience.

I rang up SR (Malaysian who studies in SG) like 12 times that day alone, trying to get her to tell me specifically where the group was and where should I go to meet with them. So she said to wait outside ESPIRIT, and me being the casual bastard that I am since I didn’t know Saturday was the rendezvous and happily going to a friend’s house, stood outside Singapore’s hottest shopping mall in shirt, shorts and slippers when the unspoken rule states that jeans should be the basic Orchard etiquette.

Remember I said pictures are hell bad guides to meeting someone in real life? I’m a living example. The night before, SR sent me 2 pictures of herself. Nothing slutty or sexual. You need to exchange pictures and phone numbers if not gg? So yeah back to that. The thing was, SR and folks walked right past me and I didn’t even know. I noticed 2 ladies (I shall be polite) giving me the ‘Are you ElectricCat?’ face as they walked past and I thought for a moment it might be her, but it was aeons off the picture she sent me. It was only when she called me, and I spotted that same lady out of the corner on my eye using her phone that I realized ‘Shit. It was indeed her.’.

Summary: Send a freaking realistic and recent picture dammit.

So after all the introductions and everything, I knew it was gonna be awkward soon. No matter how good of buddies we were –online-, we were never gonna be able to replicate that level of closeness in real life in just 2 days but yet not talking and simply just ‘you do your thing I do my thing’ but remaining in a group defeats the whole purpose of meeting in the first place, so I decided to do something that was really out of my nature. I took up the role of a clown. Not really clown, but more like entertainer. I’m usually the silent one when out with strangers, but this time with 8 people around you and not a single one giving any hints of wanting to go further than a ‘hi’, I just decided to spice things up. I nudged them, I poked them, I prodded them, I did everything I could possibly do and said everything I could possibly say to try and engage them all. I’ve been through too many such awkward situations before, and I was quite desperate to avoid it so naturally I toughened my skin 10X and just did whatever I had to do. Thankfully they weren’t as boring as they appeared to be. It seemed like they were just waiting for a spark before they could ease up and spring to life. So that was a short first day, while I went home eagerly waiting the next day when we were supposedly to visit sentosa.

Sunday turned out very different that what I had imagined. It was on the brink of being miserable due to certain unforeseen events and this time I had to dig even deeper into my pockets to try and lift their spirits. Overall I think I succeeded to a rather large extent. Keeping it short, the only meaningful thing we did was to meet up even more people who were unavailable on Saturday. This time there were 12 people, with 4 new faces. The only thing worth mentioning was probably us stoning at McDonalds for dinner and chatting all the way to 11pm. The Malaysian folks had to depart for JB before they could leave for KL the next morning, while the SG folks like me had to catch the last bus. So with great reluctance we bade farewell.

It was truly the best weekend I’ve had in a long time. Once the ice has been broken, even online friends who are meeting for the first time can get extremely wild. I learnt many things though. Even though I’m supposedly the ‘host’ since I’m a SGrean, I think I bombed about $110 in those 2 days. Including the $150 I spent during the IT fair, it’s reasonable to state that I’m in a beggar-like state now. I took the MRT as if it was my first time seeing it too. On Saturday, it was Serangoon to Tanah Merah to Orchard to Serangoon. On Sunday it was Serangoon to City Hall to Expo to Bedok to Jurong East to Ang Mo Kio. Pretty intense huh? I probably covered in 2 days what I usually take a year to travel by MRT. But as I’ve said, it’s my responsibility to take care of those folks the way I would expect them to take care of me should 1 day I decide to visit KL solely to visit them. I felt the pinch at first obviously, but reflecting back its money well spent. It’s not like I do this every month or every year or something, so the occasional major spending over-budget is fine with me.

But all in all, I can safely say I did my best as a ‘host’, whether be it in entertaining or just generally trying to get them involved. Meh it was fun. Trying to save money so I can go to KL after the semester to visit them. Not sure if my parents will allow me to travel alone though but perhaps I can psycho them into going with me. They shop their thing I visit my friends. Sounds good. But obviously, things don’t always go the way we want them to go. If life’s good, I wouldn’t be here saying I’m saving money to go over; I would already be there. But it’s a dream I hope would come true.

Anyone wanna donate to my ‘I-wanna-go-KL’ fund?

?

2007-11-24T21:07:00.000-08:00

Never, ever, take at face value what people say.

'Oh my god it's been years since I last saw you!!! When are we going out again?' says the friend you haven't seen in 5 years.

I say : Bullshit. They're just trying to sound polite. They'll forget you the next day and you'll again be just another MSN contact he won't talk to for the next 5 years.

'I never study.' says your friend to you before a test. (But yet somehow manages to answer just about everything you ask 10 mins before going in)

I say : Bullshit. They say that to avoid humiliation if they score lower than you when they actually studied 10 hours at home yesterday.

'Can you help me do something?' says a friend casually.

I say : Bullshit. The real thing is 'Oi! Help me la!'

'Listen to me. I'm doing all these for your own good.' says your(our) parents.

I say : Bullshit. They really do mean 'You better listen to me, or else no allowance.'

I could list down a thousand more, but meh it's all common sense. The world's full of hypocrites. Even we are too, whether deliberate or accidental, regardless of how much we deny it or how pure we insist we are. Men are selfish by nature after all.

Malice breeds slowly. First we lie to ourselves, then we resent everything around us. In the end we scorn everything in the world.

Another whine.

2007-11-18T08:49:00.000-08:00

I received an unexpected attack from someone whom I consider my best friend, EVER. He is cheeky. He is pervertic. He is smart. He is generous. He is helpful. He is steady. But he can be utterly idiotic, insensitive and downright irritating at times and today I saw a serious side of him I never thought he was capable of. Here’s the 100% original unedited, except the names, chat in MSN :

*~* E T e R [N] I t Y *~* The Electrifying Kitty says:
i still got test haven study
*~* E T e R [N] I t Y *~* The Electrifying Kitty says:
muahaha
JS says:
lol
JS says:
tmr?
*~* E T e R [N] I t Y *~* The Electrifying Kitty says:
yeah
*~* E T e R [N] I t Y *~* The Electrifying Kitty says:
dont think studying also anyway
JS says:
affter this go stud
JS says:
y?
*~* E T e R [N] I t Y *~* The Electrifying Kitty says:
since when you see me study for test?
JS says:
so u shld start studyin
*~* E T e R [N] I t Y *~* The Electrifying Kitty says:
lol
*~* E T e R [N] I t Y *~* The Electrifying Kitty says:
dowan
*~* E T e R [N] I t Y *~* The Electrifying Kitty says:
=x
JS says:
kao
JS says:
study lah
JS says:
for ur own futuree
*~* E T e R [N] I t Y *~* The Electrifying Kitty says:
if i were the study type i would be in jc now duh
JS says:
so u shld change
*~* E T e R [N] I t Y *~* The Electrifying Kitty says:
lazy
JS says:
..
*~* E T e R [N] I t Y *~* The Electrifying Kitty says:
lol
*~* E T e R [N] I t Y *~* The Electrifying Kitty says:
so easy change woulda done so long ago
JS says:
then u forever wan like this ah
*~* E T e R [N] I t Y *~* The Electrifying Kitty says:
see first
*~* E T e R [N] I t Y *~* The Electrifying Kitty says:
wait for army to change me
*~* E T e R [N] I t Y *~* The Electrifying Kitty says:
lol
JS says:
..
*~* E T e R [N] I t Y *~* The Electrifying Kitty says:
hard not to change in army
JS says:
its v important to have the correct attitude in life
JS says:
since young
JS says:
lol
*~* E T e R [N] I t Y *~* The Electrifying Kitty says:
yes yes
*~* E T e R [N] I t Y *~* The Electrifying Kitty says:
no need to bombard me with philosophies
JS says:
its v true if u really experience it
*~* E T e R [N] I t Y *~* The Electrifying Kitty says:
i know
*~* E T e R [N] I t Y *~* The Electrifying Kitty says:
but i haven't
*~* E T e R [N] I t Y *~* The Electrifying Kitty says:
so words have no effect
JS says:
so i wan u to study
*~* E T e R [N] I t Y *~* The Electrifying Kitty says:
told you
*~* E T e R [N] I t Y *~* The Electrifying Kitty says:
i havent experience it yet
*~* E T e R [N] I t Y *~* The Electrifying Kitty says:
so words have no effect
JS says:
u mus start trying
JS says:
then u wil knw
*~* E T e R [N] I t Y *~* The Electrifying Kitty says:
of coure try before la
*~* E T e R [N] I t Y *~* The Electrifying Kitty says:
you really think i o level slack all the way meh
JS says:
mus try harder
*~* E T e R [N] I t Y *~* The Electrifying Kitty says:
dont worry im not abandoning myself to despair
*~* E T e R [N] I t Y *~* The Electrifying Kitty says:
small tests dont trouble me
JS says:
it accumulates
JS says:
lol
*~* E T e R [N] I t Y *~* The Electrifying Kitty says:
meh
*~* E T e R [N] I t Y *~* The Electrifying Kitty says:
you should sleep
JS says:
Lol

I think all would agree that on first impression, JS is doing his best to try and persuade his lazy friend to try and start studying for his own future. I think it’s also fair to say that on first impression that I, the other person in the conversation, am most likely a good-for-nothing, lazy person who is consistently near the bottom of the class rankings. It should also not shock people if it is revealed that JS is a 10 pointer for the ‘O’s, a good self-motivator when it comes to studies, and consistently ranks near the top of the class bar some occasions when he did not study as hard as he usually would have. Similarly it should not amaze many to say that I am a 19 pointer during the ‘O’s, and consistently fails/do badly in tests like it gives pleasure.

So the thing now is, what’s the big deal? Why am I getting emo over a conversation that is nothing wrong? Why am I getting worked up over my best friend trying to persuade me to do something I’m supposed to be doing anyway? Why am I not rejoicing instead when there are such people who are genuinely concerned for my future? Why am I left feeling void and empty inside? Why do I not pluck up the courage to admit I have failed where he have not?

I do not feel inferior to him academically, even though I obviously am. I no longer intensely feel jealous and anger at those whom I easily beat in sec 1-3 but yet triumphing over me when it came to the ‘O’s. I accepted that fact after a year and even though I feel sore from time to time, I get over it much faster than when it first sank it. Instead, I now feel extremely envious of people whom I’ve personally seen transformed from a last ranker to 6th overall in standard. Last in class to 6th in school. That’s an amazing transformation isn’t it? He was consistently last in class from sec 1-2. He was badly hooked onto DOTA during sec 3, but suddenly, he decided that enough was enough. He went on to be 4th in standard when the year of sec 3 ended. I couldn’t understand such people, even though I’ve heard of them countless times. One of my best ever friends, Paul, was academically lousy initially, but he managed to ace his studies in Australia. I’ve heard tons of people telling me how easy Australia is, but I’m not taking away any of the gloss. I read from magazines how a sec 3 dropout went on too score a perfect 4.0 GPA in poly. I’ve read countless times how the power of the mind can be so strong it saves lives or utterly destroys them. But the most important thing is, why do I not try and be like them?

They say the weak cling on to words, and the strong do it. They say everyone can do it, but it’s merely a matter of willpower. They say it takes nothing, but gains everything. How can I be like them? Why am I unable to be motivated? Why am I for all my countless attempts to be self-motivated still unable to reach that state? Why am I after all these years hearing stories of people transformed instead of hearing people talking about me transforming? What have I done wrong?

It’s not for a lack of trying. Heaven knows I have indeed tried. Perhaps I have not tried hard enough, but I can honestly, genuinely without any guilty conscience say that I studied for my ‘O’s harder than I have ever did in my entire life. A pitiful 19 was all I could master. I might be arrogant enough to consider myself superior and thus 19 is pathetic to me. Personally, I tried many methods to motivate myself. No games till homework is done? Checked. Start with 10 hours a week? Checked. Try and get that $100 for every ‘A’ I score? Checked. Try and get 8 points so I can enter Temasek JC to be with the girl I was badly smitten with? Checked. Nothing worked. I either gave up within 2 days, or simply forgot about it. Even the one where I tried motivating myself through a girl lasted only 2 weeks before I decided that it was unrealistic. Blame it on a lack of willpower if you will, but it’s not my nature to try harder than I possibly can.

Most would brush of my words as blatant laziness and a crappy excuse I cooked up to conveniently console my pathetic self. Most would insist I have not tried hard enough. Most would say since I have the mentality that it’s simply my nature, I will never ever convince myself that I am actually simply refusing to get out of my comfort zone. Most would ignore me, for it’s just another convenient, seen all too often excuse to explain my poor grades. Some might even say it’s my addition to the net that saw me fail 3 papers in a single semester – my worst haul ever. Or perhaps getting straight Ds was simply pathetic. I can’t blame them. Whoever has seen me in school or at home knows better. Who’s always the one copying homework? Me. Who’s the one playing games at 2am when there’s a test at 8am the next day and he doesn’t even know what chapter it’s on? Me. Who’s the one who doesn’t even bother to take down model answer during lesson? Me. Who’s the one who is content to get by with the passable grades? Me. Who sleeps in lecture so fast the lecturer barely even started? Me. I might be downright lazy and insincere in changing to outsiders. I might be hopeless academically to some and just a burden. I might be a walking miracle that I did not get retained before for some.

Truly they are right. I think of myself that way sometimes too because no matter how I look at it, they’re right. Someone told me in a game before ‘It’s no use if your best is not good enough.’ Realistically society is like that. Nobody cares if you have tried your best but you still lose out to the Harvard grad beside you at an interview. Nobody cares if you studied 50 hours a week and tried your hardest but you still got 30 for your ‘O’s. People want results, not efforts. I have been made to believe that and until something drastic happens, I won’t stop believing in it. Perhaps that explains why I have stopped giving my best in everything I do. Why bother when my best is never enough? Why bother when my best is never satisfying to others? Why bother when my best is always brushed aside with a ‘You need to try harder’ or a ‘You didn’t try hard enough’? To whom do I owe this indignity? To whom do I owe this humiliation? To whom do I owe this narrow reflection of an impression I did not want to be created?

I have forced myself to lean how to brush aside such remarks. I learnt how not to take to heart comments that I’m not trying hard enough. Each time I hear that, I’m reminded of the times where I scored 31/100 for my A.Maths even though I studied my ass off for it. I’m reminded of the piece of homework which I had not copied for the first time in aeons and completed with genuine hard work coming back to me with not a single tick and a huge ‘Redo!’. I’m haunted by such experiences. I’m haunted by my past. Try as I will, I have been unable to reach the peak of self-motivation in primary 3 where I topped the class. Try as I will, I have been unable to produce the best even in desperate situations.

Have I given up? It appears so, but I have definitely not. If I had, I wouldn’t be feeling sore from that conversation. To be honest, I don’t know how to help myself. From past experience, a good shake up would only make me abandon myself to despair instead, which last happened in sec 3. Words of encouragement of monetary rewards don’t even dent my armour. Peer pressure isn’t working as well as it should. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to help myself. I don’t know how to be self-motivated. I don’t know how to stop clinging on to my own words and fantasies and start acting on it instead. I don’t know how to start. I’m tired of telling people I have tried their methods before but it failed. I’m tired of telling people I did honestly try my hardest. I’m tired of hearing people tell me to try harder. Truly I am.

’20 years down the road, you can either have all the things you want in life, or a bunch of excuses on why you don’t.’

That was the best motivating statement I’ve EVER seen and read, and it did pulled me through a crisis period in my life when I had to take 3 sup papers or risk being retained. But it lasted all but till the papers ended.

I’m helpless. Am I really just lazy? Are all these truly genuinely excuses I conjured to save myself the effort of work? Is this what I really want?

I need answers. Fast. Soon.

You are Mr..?

2007-11-13T03:41:00.000-08:00

The super-duper-uber-hyper weird and irritating and extremely awkward uncommon surnames :

Gay (Hello Mr Gay!)
Ngoh
Tng
Thia
Tit (Nice tit)
Siaw (Oi Siao eh!)
Tock
Tham
Tung
Thong
Lam
Tern (Wanna play lantern?)
Neo
Yeo (Yo yeo! Let's play YoYo!)
Yau
Tee
Slum
Kum
Mak

The super-duper-uber-hyper cheena common surnames :

Tan
Lin
Aw
Soh
Lim
Chen
Chan
Toh
Goh
Seah/Sia
Ng
Heng
Ong
Teo

The ones I am neutral to :

Ting
Zhang
Zhen/Zheng
Zhou
Xie
Fang
Pang
Wen

No offense. Hundreds more of all categories out there.

I'm faultyless

2007-11-09T20:43:00.000-08:00

I'm convinced my bad temper is arguably my worst trait. I get pissed so easily people sometimes wonder what they had said wrong. The number 2 worst trait that has a uber long way to go in competing for number 1 but is still horrendously bad is likely to be my tendency to blame everyone and anyone except myself when something goes wrong.

I blame my friends for not being able to solve my own computer problems when I can't game with them.
I blame them for not reminding me there's a makeup lesson which I missed which subsequently dragged my attendance down.
I blame the teachers if I do badly in a test.
I blame my sister if she refuses to share a cab with me when it's raining, even when it's my fault she'll be late if she do so and I simply refuse to carry an umbrella.
I blame my dad for switching off the internet when it's 1am.
I blame my teammates when I lose a game.
I blame the opponent for being a hacker when I lose a 1v1 game.
I blame my keyboard and the cold weather if I lose in typing speed.
I blame school when everything seems to go wrong.

Basically, it's never my fault if I can help it. I take the blame willingly very rarely, when I feel guilty enough to do so. It's a wonder nobody's ever gotten pissed with me for real over this. I hope they don't take it seriously though, it's just a built-in excuse generator that I regrettably have. I don't really like it.

How to raise spirit and increase confidence during rugby training. 100% effective

2007-11-04T01:26:00.000-07:00

First, put them through extremely vigorous drills before 'speaking' to them.

You thrash! Stop running so slow!
Look at you all! You are all maggots! Pukes!
You’re the lowest form of life in this universe!
Listen up, you maggots! My passion is to see you suffer!
Stop breathing like a geezer’s *****! Don’t you feel ashamed?!
If you have ****s, try and **** right here!
Don’t make me **** you ****ing ****ers!

If they fall, 'encourage' them gently with :

This is all the guts you have?!
You can’t run anymore?!
Then go home and hug a picture of your prized lover and go to sleep!
But then again, we’re talking about an idol only a coward like you would love!
She must be a helpless slut!
I’ll say it again. SHE IS A SLUT!
If you want to prove me wrong, then show some guts! Hug that log and run 10 more laps!

If someone brought food, 'encourage' them further with :

Be glad you pukes! The manager has brought food! It is your first meal in 32 hours! Those who finish can eat!

If nobody falls or there is no food, continue 'sweet-talking' them :

Listen up! You are not even human beings!
You are just nameless ****s!
If you survive my training, you will become a weapon!
Until then, you guys are just *****s!
I hate you and I despise you!
My orders were to weed out all ******s who do not pack the gear to serve in the club!
I will not go easy on you *****s who become a nuisance for the team!
You will not laugh! You will not cry!
You are not human! You are killing machines!
If you cannot kill someone, your existence is worthless!
You will just be a ***** who *****s off all the time!
Do you want to lose on purpose just so you can be different?!
Do you want someone to sympathize with you by pretending you’re in pain?!
You unorganized grabasstic pieces of amphibian shit!
You are the ***** stain that daddy left on the mattress!
And you are the ones’ who remained in mummy’s *****!
Stop running so slow you *****s!
If you whine I’m going to force ***** into you!

When getting them to clean up :

Your girlfriend is your ball!
You do not need large butt ****s!
Think of that ball as a ripe ***** and **** it!

When a match comes up :

Listen up!
Today you people are no longer maggots! You are rugby men!
You will now face your toughest ordeal.
You are faced with a critical moment where you will either gain everything or drop to hell!
So, isn't this fun?!
Prepare for battle!

Training guaranteed to work. Scores of 148-5 in your favour can be expected.

Hail me, the emo King

2007-11-02T06:06:00.000-07:00

I did a personality test recently, and it's by far the most accurate not that's its 100% correct. The ones I did in the past gave textbook answers like you are cheerful like to have fun blah blah blah, but only this one bothered to go into details. So.. let's see how I fared. Results in turqoise, explanations in green and red.

Overall Score :
Neuroticism - 76
Extraversion - 57
Openness To Experience - 44
Agreeableness - 26
Conscientiousness - 53

You are neither a subdued loner nor a jovial chatterbox. You enjoy time with others but also time alone. You can be very easily upset, even by what most people consider the normal demands of living. People consider you to be extremely sensitive and emotional. A desire for tradition does not prevent you from trying new things. Your thinking is neither simple nor complex. To others you appear to be a well-educated person but not an intellectual. People see you as tough, critical, and uncompromising and you have less concern with others' needs than with your own. You are reasonably reliable, organized, and self-controlled.

Neuroticism :

Overall Score - 76
Anxiety - 70
Anger - 96
Depression - 53
Self-Consciousness - 37
Immodearation - 32
Vulnerability - 90

You feel tense, jittery, and nervous and often feel like something dangerous is about to happen. You may be afraid of specific situations or be just generally fearful. You feel enraged when things do not go your way. You are sensitive about being treated fairly and feel resentful and bitter if you think you are being cheated. Mostly your emotions are on an even keel and you do not get depressed easily. You are not generally self conscious about yourself. You do not experience strong, irresistible cravings and consequently do not find yourself tempted to overindulge. You experience panic, confusion, and helplessness when under pressure or stress.

Neuroticism :

Those who score high on Neuroticism may experience primarily one specific negative feeling such as anxiety, anger, or depression, but are likely to experience several of these emotions. People high in neuroticism are emotionally reactive. They respond emotionally to events that would not affect most people, and their reactions tend to be more intense than normal. They are more likely to interpret ordinary situations as threatening, and minor frustrations as hopelessly difficult. Their negative emotional reactions tend to persist for unusually long periods of time, which means they are often in a bad mood. These problems in emotional regulation can diminish a neurotic's ability to think clearly, make decisions, and cope effectively with stress. At the other end of the scale, individuals who score low in neuroticism are less easily upset and are less emotionally reactive. They tend to be calm, emotionally stable, and free from persistent negative feelings. Freedom from negative feelings does not mean that low scorers experience a lot of positive feelings; frequency of positive emotions is a component of the Extraversion domain.

Anxiety: The 'fight-or-flight' system of the brain of anxious individuals is too easily and too often engaged. Therefore, people who are high in anxiety often feel like something dangerous is about to happen. They may be afraid of specific situations or be just generally fearful. They feel tense, jittery, and nervous. Persons low in Anxiety are generally calm and fearless.
Anger: Persons who score high in Anger feel enraged when things do not go their way. They are sensitive about being treated fairly and feel resentful and bitter when they feel they are being cheated. This scale measures the tendency to feel angry; whether or not the person expresses annoyance and hostility depends on the individual's level on Agreeableness. Low scorers do not get angry often or easily.
Depression: This scale measures the tendency to feel sad, dejected, and discouraged. High scorers lack energy and have difficult initiating activities. Low scorers tend to be free from these depressive feelings. Self-Consciousness: Self-conscious individuals are sensitive about what others think of them. Their concern about rejection and ridicule cause them to feel shy and uncomfortable abound others. They are easily embarrassed and often feel ashamed. Their fears that others will criticize or make fun of them are exaggerated and unrealistic, but their awkwardness and discomfort may make these fears a self-fulfilling prophecy. Low scorers, in contrast, do not suffer from the mistaken impression that everyone is watching and judging them. They do not feel nervous in social situations.
Immoderation: Immoderate individuals feel strong cravings and urges that they have difficulty resisting. They tend to be oriented toward short-term pleasures and rewards rather than long-term consequences. Low scorers do not experience strong, irresistible cravings and consequently do not find themselves tempted to overindulge.
Vulnerability: High scorers on Vulnerability experience panic, confusion, and helplessness when under pressure or stress. Low scorers feel more poised, confident, and clear-thinking when stressed.

Extraversion :

Overall Score - 57
Friendliness - 70
Gregariousness - 72
Assertiveness - 39
Activity Level - 43
Excitement-Seeking - 53
Cheerfulness - 46

You genuinely like other people and openly demonstrate positive feelings toward others. You make friends quickly and it is easy for you to form close, intimate relationships. You find the company of others pleasantly stimulating and rewarding, and you enjoy the excitement that crowds provide. You are an active group participant but usually prefer to let someone else be the group leader. You lead a moderately paced life. You like some energetic activities, but also like to relax and take it easy. You enjoy some excitment and risk taking in your life. You have a generally cheerful disposition.

Extraversion :

Extraversion is marked by pronounced engagement with the external world. Extraverts enjoy being with people, are full of energy, and often experience positive emotions. They tend to be enthusiastic, action-oriented, individuals who are likely to say "Yes!" or "Let's go!" to opportunities for excitement. In groups they like to talk, assert themselves, and draw attention to themselves.Introverts lack the exuberance, energy, and activity levels of extraverts. They tend to be quiet, low-key, deliberate, and disengaged from the social world. Their lack of social involvement should not be interpreted as shyness or depression; the introvert simply needs less stimulation than an extravert and prefers to be alone. The independence and reserve of the introvert is sometimes mistaken as unfriendliness or arrogance. In reality, an introvert who scores high on the agreeableness dimension will not seek others out but will be quite pleasant when approached.

Friendliness: Friendly people genuinely like other people and openly demonstrate positive feelings toward others. They make friends quickly and it is easy for them to form close, intimate relationships. Low scorers on Friendliness are not necessarily cold and hostile, but they do not reach out to others and are perceived as distant and reserved.
Gregariousness: Gregarious people find the company of others pleasantly stimulating and rewarding. They enjoy the excitement of crowds. Low scorers tend to feel overwhelmed by, and therefore actively avoid, large crowds. They do not necessarily dislike being with people sometimes, but their need for privacy and time to themselves is much greater than for individuals who score high on this scale.
Assertiveness: High scorers Assertiveness like to speak out, take charge, and direct the activities of others. They tend to be leaders in groups. Low scorers tend not to talk much and let others control the activities of groups.
Activity Level: Active individuals lead fast-paced, busy lives. They move about quickly, energetically, and vigorously, and they are involved in many activities. People who score low on this scale follow a slower and more leisurely, relaxed pace.
Excitement-Seeking: High scorers on this scale are easily bored without high levels of stimulation. They love bright lights and hustle and bustle. They are likely to take risks and seek thrills. Low scorers are overwhelmed by noise and commotion and are adverse to thrill-seeking.
Cheerfulness: This scale measures positive mood and feelings, not negative emotions (which are a part of the Neuroticism domain). Persons who score high on this scale typically experience a range of positive feelings, including happiness, enthusiasm, optimism, and joy. Low scorers are not as prone to such energetic, high spirits.

Openness To Experience :

Overall Score - 44
Imagination - 76
Artistic Interests - 12
Emotionality - 65
Adventurousness - 51
Intellect - 35
Liberalism - 51

Often you find the real world is too plain and ordinary for your liking, and you use fantasy as a way of creating a richer, more interesting world for yourself. You are not interested in the arts and do not display aesthetic sensitivity. Generally you are not considered to be an emotional person, however you are aware of and in touch with your emotions. Familiar routines are good, but sometimes you like to spice up your life with a bit of adventure or activity. You enjoy a certain amount of debate or intellectual thought, but sometimes get bored with too much. You like the security of tradition, but sometimes have a desire to bend the rules and challenge onventional thinking.

Openness to Experience :

Openness to Experience describes a dimension of cognitive style that distinguishes imaginative, creative people from down-to-earth, conventional people. Open people are intellectually curious, appreciative of art, and sensitive to beauty. They tend to be, compared to closed people, more aware of their feelings. They tend to think and act in individualistic and nonconforming ways. Intellectuals typically score high on Openness to Experience; consequently, this factor has also been called Culture or Intellect. Nonetheless, Intellect is probably best regarded as one aspect of openness to experience. Scores on Openness to Experience are only modestly related to years of education and scores on standard intelligent tests.

Imagination: To imaginative individuals, the real world is often too plain and ordinary. High scorers on this scale use fantasy as a way of creating a richer, more interesting world. Low scorers are on this scale are more oriented to facts than fantasy.

Artistic Interests: High scorers on this scale love beauty, both in art and in nature. They become easily involved and absorbed in artistic and natural events. They are not necessarily artistically trained nor talented, although many will be. The defining features of this scale are interest in, and appreciation of natural and artificial beauty. Low scorers lack aesthetic sensitivity and interest in the arts.

Emotionality: Persons high on Emotionality have good access to and awareness of their own feelings. Low scorers are less aware of their feelings and tend not to express their emotions openly.

Adventurousness: High scorers on adventurousness are eager to try new activities, travel to foreign lands, and experience different things. They find familiarity and routine boring, and will take a new route home just because it is different. Low scorers tend to feel uncomfortable with change and prefer familiar routines.

Intellect: Intellect and artistic interests are the two most important, central aspects of openness to experience. High scorers on Intellect love to play with ideas. They are open-minded to new and unusual ideas, and like to debate intellectual issues. They enjoy riddles, puzzles, and brain teasers. Low scorers on Intellect prefer dealing with either people or things rather than ideas. They regard intellectual exercises as a waste of time. Intellect should not be equated with intelligence. Intellect is an intellectual style, not an intellectual ability, although high scorers on Intellect score slightly higher than low-Intellect individuals on standardized intelligence tests.

Liberalism: Psychological liberalism refers to a readiness to challenge authority, convention, and traditional values. In its most extreme form, psychological liberalism can even represent outright hostility toward rules, sympathy for law-breakers, and love of ambiguity, chaos, and disorder. Psychological conservatives prefer the security and stability brought by conformity to tradition. Psychological liberalism and conservatism are not identical to political affiliation, but certainly incline individuals toward certain political parties.

Agreeableness :

Overall Score - 26
Trust - 67
Morality - 13
Altruism - 68
Cooperation - 7
Modesty - 24
Sympathy - 39

You mostly assume that people are honest and fair, however you are wary and hold back from trusting people completely. You believe that a certain amount of deception in social relationships is necessary. You are guarded in new relationships and less willing to openly reveal the whole truth about yourself. You find helping other people genuinely rewarding and are generally willing to assist those who are in need. You find that doing things for others is a form of self-fulfillment rather than self-sacrifice. You are not adverse to confrontation and will sometimes even intimidate others to get your own way. You feel superior to those around you and sometimes tend to be seen as arrogant by other people. You are mostly a compassionate person, however you prefer to make objective judgments when possible.

Agreeableness :

Agreeableness reflects individual differences in concern with cooperation and social harmony. Agreeable individuals value getting along with others. They are therefore considerate, friendly, generous, helpful, and willing to compromise their interests with others'. Agreeable people also have an optimistic view of human nature. They believe people are basically honest, decent, and trustworthy.Disagreeable individuals place self-interest above getting along with others. They are generally unconcerned with others' well-being, and therefore are unlikely to extend themselves for other people. Sometimes their skepticism about others' motives causes them to be suspicious, unfriendly, and uncooperative.

Trust: A person with high trust assumes that most people are fair, honest, and have good intentions. Persons low in trust see others as selfish, devious, and potentially dangerous.

Morality: High scorers on this scale see no need for pretense or manipulation when dealing with others and are therefore candid, frank, and sincere. Low scorers believe that a certain amount of deception in social relationships is necessary. People find it relatively easy to relate to the straightforward high-scorers on this scale. They generally find it more difficult to relate to the unstraightforward low-scorers on this scale. It should be made clear that low scorers are not unprincipled or immoral; they are simply more guarded and less willing to openly reveal the whole truth.

Altruism: Altruistic people find helping other people genuinely rewarding. Consequently, they are generally willing to assist those who are in need. Altruistic people find that doing things for others is a form of self-fulfillment rather than self-sacrifice. Low scorers on this scale do not particularly like helping those in need. Requests for help feel like an imposition rather than an opportunity for self-fulfillment.

Cooperation: Individuals who score high on this scale dislike confrontations. They are perfectly willing to compromise or to deny their own needs in order to get along with others. Those who score low on this scale are more likely to intimidate others to get their way.

Modesty: High scorers on this scale do not like to claim that they are better than other people. In some cases this attitude may derive from low self-confidence or self-esteem. Nonetheless, some people with high self-esteem find immodesty unseemly. Those who are willing to describe themselves as superior tend to be seen as disagreeably arrogant by other people.

Sympathy: People who score high on this scale are tenderhearted and compassionate. They feel the pain of others vicariously and are easily moved to pity. Low scorers are not affected strongly by human suffering. They pride themselves on making objective judgments based on reason. They are more concerned with truth and impartial justice than with mercy.

Conscientiousness :

Overall Score - 53
Self-Efficacy - 45
Orderliness - 89
Dutifulness - 47
Achievement-Striving - 25
Self-Discipline - 57
Cautiousness - 40

You are moderately confident that you can achieve the goals you set yourself. You are well-organized and like to live according to routines and schedules. Often you will keep lists and make plans. Your sense of duty and obligation is average and although you are mostly responsible you can sometimes be unreliable. You are content to get by with a minimal amount of work, and might be seen by others as lazy. You have a reasonable amount of will-power and are able to follow through on tasks that you feel you need to complete. You can be distracted however and have been known to procrastinate. You are not an overly cautious person. You will think about alternatives and consequences but make up your mind fairly quickly.

Conscientiousness :

Conscientiousness concerns the way in which we control, regulate, and direct our impulses. Impulses are not inherently bad; occasionally time constraints require a snap decision, and acting on our first impulse can be an effective response. Also, in times of play rather than work, acting spontaneously and impulsively can be fun. Impulsive individuals can be seen by others as colorful, fun-to-be-with, and zany.Nonetheless, acting on impulse can lead to trouble in a number of ways. Some impulses are antisocial. Uncontrolled antisocial acts not only harm other members of society, but also can result in retribution toward the perpetrator of such impulsive acts. Another problem with impulsive acts is that they often produce immediate rewards but undesirable, long-term consequences. Examples include excessive socializing that leads to being fired from one's job, hurling an insult that causes the breakup of an important relationship, or using pleasure-inducing drugs that eventually destroy one's health.

Self-Efficacy: Self-Efficacy describes confidence in one's ability to accomplish things. High scorers believe they have the intelligence (common sense), drive, and self-control necessary for achieving success. Low scorers do not feel effective, and may have a sense that they are not in control of their lives.
Orderliness: Persons with high scores on orderliness are well-organized. They like to live according to routines and schedules. They keep lists and make plans. Low scorers tend to be disorganized and scattered.
Dutifulness: This scale reflects the strength of a person's sense of duty and obligation. Those who score high on this scale have a strong sense of moral obligation. Low scorers find contracts, rules, and regulations overly confining. They are likely to be seen as unreliable or even irresponsible.
Achievement-Striving: Individuals who score high on this scale strive hard to achieve excellence. Their drive to be recognized as successful keeps them on track toward their lofty goals. They often have a strong sense of direction in life, but extremely high scores may be too single-minded and obsessed with their work. Low scorers are content to get by with a minimal amount of work, and might be seen by others as lazy.
Self-Discipline: Self-discipline-what many people call will-power-refers to the ability to persist at difficult or unpleasant tasks until they are completed. People who possess high self-discipline are able to overcome reluctance to begin tasks and stay on track despite distractions. Those with low self-discipline procrastinate and show poor follow-through, often failing to complete tasks-even tasks they want very much to complete.
Cautiousness: Cautiousness describes the disposition to think through possibilities before acting. High scorers on the Cautiousness scale take their time when making decisions. Low scorers often say or do first thing that comes to mind without deliberating alternatives and the probable consequences of those alternatives.

Things I strongly disagreed with : Morality. I know I'm more guarded, but 13/100 is too extreme in my opinion. I do tell the WHOLE truth 99.99% of the time too.

Things I disagreed with : Orderliness. I'm orderly, but 89/100 is a little too high. Sympathy. I think I'm more sympathetic than 39/100. Modesty. I realize I'm arrogant sometimes, but 24/100?

Things I agreed with : Everything else.

Things I agreed strongly with : Anger. I get pissed really easily and I'm honestly wondering why didn't I get a perfect 100. Not that it's a score I'm proud of. Vulnerability. It's true I sometimes experience panic, confusion and helplessness when under pressure. But only under IMMENSE pressure though. Achievement-Striving. I can't argue back with my 25/100 score. It's 100% true.

Test may be taken here :

http://www.pulseware.com.au/site_pi.asp?p=wpa-13659&ms=y

Check Mate!

2007-10-31T07:43:00.000-07:00

Something's wrong with me recently. I can't explain it but I can feel it.

I get high for no apparent reason suddenly at times, while others I find myself really emo. I get pissed incredibly easily too.

Now my ass is hurting badly, and it bled when I went to take a crap 10 mins ago.

I realize I'm particularly vulgar these few days. I'm extremely vulgar normally, but these few days it just seems uncontrollable. I apologize if it got to the extremes of extremes sometimes, but trust me I didn't want it to be like this too. My reputation as a tanker of taunts is also going to the drain. My capacity has somehow diminished and I get angry for real at times, something which only happens extremely rarely, though it goes away in like 5 minutes. Sorry to the folks who bore the brunt of my brutal vocabulary.

I start entertaining wild thoughts. The wild thoughts of doing something for the sake of competition is starting to make me act like it.

At times I do something without knowing what I'm really doing. Example being turning left when right was the proper destination towards the school library. Not taking one of the 2 possible buses when it came along because I didnt feel like it. Start desiring for games I've deserted for years.

Seriously something's wrong with me, and it aint funny. No reminders needed. I don't think I can take any heavy blows or unfunny taunts for now. In fact I can't sit in a particular posture anymore, until my ass heals that is.

I hate you asshole.

I'm a multitasker

2007-10-26T04:03:00.000-07:00

I realize I have an extremely short attention span, and an even shorter 'temptation' span. When I say 'temptation' I meant the things which I suddenly greatly desire to do out of a sudden recollection of the past or pressure from friends.

Anyway, I realized today that my temtation span would probably not last a week. Just a few days ago, I has a sudden great desire to start playing Metal Slug again. From experience, this desire will fade in about 5 more days. Now, I have a great desire to start playing Worms. From experience, I will probably stop wanting to do so in about 8 days.

As for attention span, I realized that anything longer than 2 hours is a miracle in itself, unless it's something that greatly interests me or there's alot of pressure. Turning on the computer is a great distraction while mopping the floor. Switching on the television is an even greater distraction. That explains how mopping the floor which usually takes 30 mins took more than an hour. Even while surfing the net - a minute I'm reading manga, the next I'm watching soccer videos with my manga half completed, and the next I'm watching anime with the soccer video far from completed, and the next I've decided that whatever's on television is more interesting, and the next I ..... Oh I'm blogging when my anime is still running.

Brb.

Where's the new maid dammit

2007-10-20T02:04:00.000-07:00

It's been exactly a week of life without a maid. Tough for me, someone who is used to having a maid for 18 years, 2 months and 16 days. And the new maid will only come by next week!

Actually, very tough. I know the basics of doing the dishes, tidying up my bed, sweeping/mopping the floor, as well as other fundamentals but knowing and doing is different. Knowing doesn't equate doing, and doing I have done for a week.

It's tiring when you're expected to clean 5 bedrooms, 3 living/dinning rooms and the kitchen by yourself. More so if you haven't exactly exercised for 3 years. My back nearly broke after I brought all the dirty clothes down to wash. I haven't been brought so far before. Even the most hardcore CCA training in secondary school did not tire me to the point where I slept before 1am everyday. Now I don't have time for things I usually do. It's basically reach home, rest, housework. Night comes, and I can only manage to use the com for at most 3 hours before I collapse.

Damn I'm wasting time here.

Brb mop floor.

Lubricants please

2007-10-16T06:25:00.000-07:00

New term of school just began with the second day barely over and already I sense cracks appearing. Gone are the bonds that kept the 18 together. Gone are the selfishness of some when it comes to sensitive issues, and plenty of issues there are.

I realized today grouping together for a project can be as hazardous as a trip to a volcano. Tension can rise out of a seemingly innocent action and soon fire will ignite.

It seems innocent enough an action. How dangerous can gathering 4-5 more classmates for a 17 week long project be? Surely the folks have worked with more people on longer work but there the real trouble begins. Who shall they(we) get?

For the outstanding students, obviously they would want similarly outstanding students in their group so as not to drag them down.

For the not so outstanding students(Read : mediocre), obviously they would want outstanding students in their group so they can easily get help(Read : leech shamelessly).

Since everyone wants the outstanding ones first, obviously the ones who are left among the last would feel gutted no matter how unaffected they appear to be or say they are. Nobody wants to admit they suck at something, and even less want to be told or hinted they suck at something, but that's life. Everytime there's a need to group together, you can be sure only the outstanding ones can't really be bothered who's on their team. 1 outstanding with 4 not so outstanding is always better than 5 not so outstanding ones together.

It's human instinct to always want the best. Who would want to get a deficient plasma television that has poor quality and breaks down every 2 days when they can get a small 20 inch superb one? Similarly, outstanding students tend to want to group together. So when not so outstanding students get grouped together in what they feel is a not so outstanding group, they might feel the need to demand everyone to rearrange groups again until they get someone they find satisfactory. Similarly outstanding students might feel agitated when they get their desired group of outstanding students but are pressured to rearrange due to the obvious unbalance in the academic results of the class.

They aren't wrong, but that doesn't mean they are right.

Outstanding students are not wrong to want the best around them, but they should not hog them and create an unbalanced playing field.

Not so outstanding students are not wrong to want the best around them, but they shouldn't treat having outstanding students around them to help due to their poorer academic results as a right.

It's not wrong to have the top 5 students in the class to group together, but it's not exactly right to leave the rest of the class in despair.

It's not right for the bottom 5 students in the class to group together, so it's not exactly wrong for them to want to get at least 1 outstanding one to help them.

At the end of the day, if there are an odd number of outstanding students in an even number of groups in a class, there's bound to have friction.

A friction I could jolly well do without.

Of those who did and didn't.

2007-10-10T23:54:00.000-07:00

I have a claasmate. He's really smart, but a tad too serious sometimes.
I have a classmate. He's really cheerful, but a tad too noisy sometimes.
I have a classmate. He's really strong, but a tad too shy sometimes.
I have a classmate. He's really chinese, but a tad too quiet sometimes.
I have a classmate. She's really skinny, but a tad too paranoid sometimes.
I have a classmate. She's really rich, but a tad too thirsty sometimes.
I have a classmate. He's(I'm) really slack, but a tad too over-slack sometimes.

We went to Sentosa and got burnt. We went to Sakae and got bloated. We went home and got pain.

I have a classmate. He's really muscular, but a tad too slack sometimes.
I have a classmate. He's really hardworking, but a tad too dreamy sometimes.
I have a classmate. He's really diligent, but a tad too loud sometimes.
I have a classmate. He's really resourceful, but a tad too careless sometimes.
I have a classmate. He's really lame, but a tad too emo sometimes.
I have a classmate. She's really brilliant, but a tad too quiet sometimes.
I have a classmate. She's really brilliant, but a tad too quiet sometimes.
I have a classmate. She's really brilliant, but a tad too quiet sometimes.
I have a classmate. She's really determined, but a tad too worrisome sometimes.
I have a classmate. She's really cheerful, but a tad too laughy sometimes.
I have a classmate. She's really industrious, but a tad too under-confident sometimes.

May they never suffer like how we did.

Independence Day

2007-10-07T23:46:00.000-07:00

It has been said that one has to learn to be independent in order to survive in the society. Sort of true, but I beg to differ. Whwat I think is, we should have someone strong whom we can rely on for most of our needs and/or troubles. Regardless of our strong we are, or how strong we think we are, we need to have someone whom we can depend on at some point in our life. It may come in the form of our parents, our siblings, a relative, a friend, a teacher, a net pal or even a stranger. Fortunately I found mine.

He is there when I need help in homework. Nevermind he sucks at English, because that's what I'm good at. When you are scoring 8/100 for Maths, and there's someone who scores A1 for Maths as regularly as he scores D7 for English, you know who to turn to. It's not exactly a hard choice to make. Even when it comes to tertiary education, when we come to programming which I got an F at while he got A. It almost seems like our abilities complement each other.

I can count on him to do things which even though I am capable of doing myself, I quite simply refuse to do so for some reasons even I do not know. Things like ordering food in a fancy restaurant, checking out the arrival time when our parents return from an overseas trip, getting up early on a Saturday morning to accompany my mother to the market and spare me the agony of waking up and many other insignificant stuff. To put it in simple terms, I can't really imagine life without him.

He gets clothes for me when they go overseas, he makes sure my father orders some meat when we dine outside since I'm strictly a meat guy, he orders my drink for me without asking and not once he got it wrong. I'm sure my friends can do that too though, it's always soya bean aint it?

Yes he is my brother.

Obviously I hate him somtimes when we fight. I hate him when we disagree. I hate him when he seems lively when I'm in a bad mood. Then again, it's normal aint it?

I've been told I'm overly-dependent on not just him, but on my family as well. I've been asked why am I afraid of small things like ordering food for myself. I've been told to grow up and act like my age. I've been called a sissy. I get on their nerves without fail. I've been told to grow some balls. Many other unpleasant names outsiders would think morally wrong for a family member to say to another, but I disagree. It's true only to a certain extent.

I agree I'm overly-dependent on them. I do almost nothing at home but eat, sleep and play. My meals are taken care of by the maid. The food are bought from the market while I sleep my lazy ass off to 2pm. My room is cleaned, my clothes are washed, and basically I live like a prince at home.

I disagree when they say I'm afraid of ordering food for myself. What is there to be afraid of? The hot sexy waitress coming over and smiling asking me what would I like to have? I'll be more afraid of scaring her with my huge appetite than telling her my orders. Quite simply I'm too used to them placing orders for my food. It's been done for me for like, 18 years and I'm in no particular hurry to 'learn' how to do it myself. If I were like they said, afraid, I would have died back in primary school, not to mention poly since I can take breakfast, lunch and dinner in school.

Recently my brother finished his attachment, which means army is coming soon. That's a depressing thought to me. No more brother to depend on for most things. But for everything else, there's Master Card. If that fails... now where's my sister?

It's a blessing to be able to have someone to rely on. Call them weak, call them pussies, call them spineless losers who will be the bane of society, call them big babies who can't get anything right, call them anything you want. Unless you experience it yourself, you can't know the joy, and gratification of such. Me, I'll gladly accept such tags, if it means my pillars of support still stand tall.

I once had a friend in sec 2. He was the top student in the whole level, great in his studies, never gave the teachers any problems, the role model, but he wasn't happy. He had no parental restrictions, which would have in many cases mold a person's character quite differently, but he was always alone. He tried to do everything alone. Even in projects he made it his personal responsibility to do everything. There is a line between diligently hardworking, and obsessively responsible. It's not wrong to try and perfect things, but it is somewhat disturbing when you try to do everything yourself, and at the end of the day feel irritated with yourself for not being able to do things which wasn;t part of your job in the first place. That's what happened to him. I asked him after the 'O's where did he go after getting the results. He told me straight home. Why not out to celebrate his L1R5 score of 10? He said none of his casual friends asked him out. He said all of his friends, what little there were, were used to seeing him alone anyway.

That was just sad.

It's somewhat still alright if not relying on anyone is your nature, like my friend was. You can't change it. But if relying on nobody but yourself is the result of an incident which greatly affected you, or parental guidance, or personal experiences, I honestly find it sad. Obviously at the end of the day you ultimately have nobody to rely on but yourself, but people are there to make it better. Yes guys have to go army for 2 years, but your fellow army buddies there could make the experience better. Yes exams are ultimately dependent on one's own strength, but others could make it easier.

I agree when one of my better friends said the weak group together while the strong can survive on their own. The only way for weak people to be on level with the playing field is to group together, but many other factors play a part. What even determines their weakness? What are you comparing? Academic results? Physical fortitude? EQ? Sensitivity? As long as they are not superior to someone on -every single- possible point of comparison, I don't think there is much point of debate. Regardless of how strong someone is, there is always someone stronger. To the stronger ones among the strong, the weaker ones among the strong seem weak anyway. At the end of the day, the weak, which actually refers to everyone, has to group together. Even if someone can indeed survive on their own all the way to the end, can they really say that they have done better than if they had relied on others as well? If the answer is yes, hats off to them. If it's no, I think it's time for them to chill a little and trust others a little more. Life's more fun that way no?

What was it?

2007-10-04T02:51:00.000-07:00

I know there's something I have to do, but I don't know what. Knowing and doing are entirely different things of course. Being an expert at procastinating doesn't help. By the time I make up my mind to do what I should have done long ago, I pretty much forget what I had intended to do in the first place.

Mm.. I forgot what I wanted to say, so...

I'm lazy, and proud of it

2007-09-28T09:04:00.000-07:00

Looking at the MSN nicks of some of my sec school friends going by '31 days to A levels!' and even 'I can't wait for the A levels.' makes me wonder how different my life would have been if I entered JC instead of poly. Yes my grades suck hard, but I reckoned it might still have been sufficient to get me into the lousiest JC on offer. The main reason why I didn't though, was because I was sick of rules. Hair cannot touch collar, cannot cover ears, cannot cover eye brows, cannot have sideburn, no dyed hair nonsense like those. People ask, what's so difficult about those? Why must you try to be different by having golden hair that completely covers your ears, have sideburns that covers your cheek, back hair completely covers your collar and have fringe long enough to touch your chin? What's so difficult about being a true guy and have neat short hair? My answer is I've honestly never liked short hair. Yes people might think that I look better in sec 2 or sec 4 when I spiked my hair, but to be honest I was forced to. Poly allowed me the freedom to grow my hair to whatever length I wanted and dye it whatever colour I fancied. Obviously poly has rules like JC too, but none of them are -ever- enforced. When I entered NYP during the first year, I had the brightest hair among all the first years. I was told to dye it lighter, but I didn't. My hair eventually turned back its natural brown as all the golden parts got cut away -voluntarily- when it got really too long. Yep. JC musta been hell for me if I really got in.

Yet me thinks JC might have actually suited my academic style better. In JC, I believe you can flunk every test but pass the exams to get through. Second year and first year are of no relation. In poly, the 3 damn years are all related. You screw up the first year, your poly's life over. It completely clashes with my style, which is last minute. I excelled in last minute work during my primary and secondary days. Before the PSLE, my teacher made us do many mock papers and even though it was less than a month away to the real thing, I was still getting scores like 27/100 for my Maths paper. I went on to score an A during the PSLE itself. Similarly for the 'O's, I scored an excellently lousy 32 for my L1R5. I managed a humble 19 during the actual run. My point is, I'm just not suited to work consistently hard for a period of time. My estimation is a week at most. I'm not offering any excuses for my poor grades in poly now, but that's just the way it is. Even though I know ever semestral exam counts, I find myself unable to get motivated until probably the 3rd year exams. I'm currently scoring straight Ds. I'm lazy yes, but it's a fact and quite well-known that I'm rather tough to get motivated. So were I in JC, and assuming I got promoted to year 2 and the A levels are coming, would I be motivated enough to study and make it 3 'miracles' in a row? Would I be able to prove that my last minute wonders in PSLE and O levels were not flukes?

I honestly think I will.

After all, my grade won't allow me entry into any University even if I score straight As for the remaining 1.5 years. They say time can change a person's character, but there are some things that just simply cannot be changed through time or any other factor and I sincerely believe my academic style is one of them.

I need some motivation, but apparently there's no source.

Me thinks me need help.

It comes down to this after all

2007-09-25T06:09:00.000-07:00

It's not like it will surprise many, but it's (I've) decided to give it a shot at writing a story out of Claymore.

Original content, language, and events will be based on the anime, and not the manga.

Dreams..

2007-09-23T09:33:00.000-07:00

I've been wanting to write something really long and nice.. A story if you will.

No, I do nto have the vocabulary or talent writers do.

No, I do not even have the patience to start with.

It's just a dream, sleeping inside of me.

Something I've always wanted to do.

Something..

I dare not

2007-09-18T19:25:00.000-07:00

'The Universe is The Great All, and offers a paradox too great for the finite mind to grasp. As the living brain cannot conceive of a nonliving brain - although it might think it can - the finite mind cannot grasp the infinite.

The prosaic fact about the Universe's existence alone defeats both the pragmatist and the remoantic. There was a time, yet a few hundred generations before the world moved on, when mankind had achieved enough technical and scientific prowess to chip a few splinters from the great stone pillar of reality. Even so, the false light of science shone in only a few developed countries. Yet despite a tremendous increase in available facts, there were remarkably few insights. Few if any seemed to have grasped the truest principle of reality : new knowledge leads always to yet more awesome mysteries. Greater physiological knowledge of the brain makes the existence of the soul less possible yet more probable by the nature of the search.

The greatest mystery the Universe offerns is not life but size. Size encompasses life. The child at home asks with utmost wonder : What is above the sky? Daddy answers : The darkness of space. Child : What is beyond the darkness? Father : Other galaxies. Child : What beyond those galaxies? Father : No one knows.

You see? Size defeats us. For the fish, the lake in which he lives is the Universe. What does the fish think when he is jerked up by the mouth through the silver limits of existence and into a new Universe where the air drowns him and the light is blue madness? Where huge bipeds with no gills stuff it into a suffocating box and cover it with wet weeds to die?

Or one might take the tip of a pencil and magnify it. One reaches the point where a stunning realization strikes home : The pencil tip is not solid; it is composed of atoms which whirl and revolve like a trillion demon planets. What seems solid to us is actually only a loose net held together by gravity. Viewed at their actual size, the distances between these atoms might become leagues, gulfs, aeons. The atoms themselves are composed of nuclei and revolving protons and electrons. One may step down further to subatomic particles. And then to what? Tachyons? Nothing? Of course not. Everything in the Universe denies nothing; to suggest an ending is the one absurdity.

If you fell outward to the limit of the Universe, would you find a board fennce and signs reading DEAD END? No. You might find something hard and rounded, as the chick must see the egg from the inside. And if you should peck through that shell (Or find a door), what great and torrential light might shine through your opening at the end of space? Might you look through and discover our entire Universe is but part of one atom on a blade of grass? Might you be forced to think that by burning a twig you incinerate an eternity of eternities? That existence rises not to one infinity but to an infinity of them?

Perhaps you saw what place our Universe plays in the scheme of things - as no more than an atome in a blade of grass. Could it be that everything we can percieve, from the microscopic virus to the distant Horsehead Nebula, is contained in one blade of grass that may have existed for only a single season in an alien time-flow? What if that blade should be cut off by a scythe? When it begins to die, would the rot seep into our own Universe and our own lives. turning everything yellow and brown and desiccated? Perhaps it's already begun to happen. We say the world has moved on, maybe we really mean that it has begun to dry up.

Think of how small such a concept of things makes us. If a God watches over it all, does He actually mete out justice for a race of gnats among an infinitude of gnats? Does His eye see the sparrow fall when the sparrow is less than a speck of hydrogen floating disconnected in the depth of space? And if He does see, what must be the nature of such a God be? Where does He live? How is it possible to live beyond infinity?

Imagine the sand of the Sahara desert, and imagine a trillion Universes - not planets, not galaxies, but Universes - encapsulated in each grain of that desert; and within each Universe an infinity of others. We tower over these Universes from our pitiful grass vantage point; with one swing of your boot you may knock a billion trillion worlds flying off into darkness, in a chain never to be completed.

Size... Size defeats us all..

Yet suppose further. Suppose that all worlds, all Universes, met in a single nexus, a single pylon, a single Tower. And within it a stairway, perhaps rising all the way to Godhead itself. Would you dare climb to the top? Could it be that somewhere above all reality, there exists a Room?'

An extremely profound extract from my favourite book 'The Dark Tower' by Stephen King. My answer is : I dare not.

A discovery

2007-09-16T12:42:00.000-07:00

I realized I'm slightly sadistic.

I'm sick

2007-09-10T09:08:00.000-07:00

Before you start getting the wrong idea about the title and think this is just gonna be another of those long, emo, and desperate-for-attention sick calls, it's not. This is where I get emo, and tell long desperate-for-attention stories about how sick I am. Nah just kidding. Let's just say I'm sick in 3 ways these few days.

Sickness number 1 :

I'VE GOT A FREAKING HUGE ULCER ON THE SIDE OF MY TONGUE!

It has been there for the past 6 days, ever since I bit my tongue by accident. No I wasn't greedy and stuffing my mouth with chips at that time but even if I was, I won't admit it. So anyway after biting my tongue in the middle of 2 bags of chips, I cleared the blood and the skin with the help of my blanket and pliers. Nah another joke. I used tissue and toothpicks obviously. So I ignored it as usual, since all my past encounters with tongue-biting resulted in nothing more than death. I meant nothing serious. I went to sleep that night as usual - pillow over my eyes, aircon at 25 degrees, radio on, blanket over, and fantasizing about being alone with Jennifer Aniston on a long sandy beach. You can ignore that last bit. Little was I to discover that that 2 damn bags of chips were to cause me my worst 6 days in 18 years - ever. I cursed them, and swore I'll never ever eat chips again. I do intend to keep my words, for approximately as long as my ulcer takes to heal that is.

I woke up the next morning to discover that I couldn't even swallow my own saliva without feeling a sharp pain at there. I couldn't spit properly too, so I had no choice but to use my curtains to clean up the excess toothpaste. I meant towel. It was the beginning of hell. I couldn't swallow, spit, chew or in short had anything oily, heaty, spicy near my mouth. Ulcers are definitely the worse form of tortue you can take for your tongue. For 6 whole days I survived on nothing more then plain porridge and plain water. Yes no extra ingredients and no snacks at all. No other food too or drinks too. Such was my state I dreaded the time lunch and dinner beckoned. Imagine your maid cooking delicious-looking and heavenly-smelling fried chicken wings, roasted chaw siew, and some other of your favourite stuff, but you can't touch them. Unless of course you wish to allow yourself the pleasure of feeling greater pain when you even move your tongue a little. Such was my hell.

Thankfully my ulcer started to feel a little better today, and I was able to chew a little. No meat still and trust me it's extremely hard for a person like me who hates vegetables and survives on pure meat to take even a day without meat. Imagine what 6X that pain can do to a normal person, less someone in severe pain. I have high hopes that it will fully recover within the next 3 days, so I've got to endure 3 more meat-less days. 10 freaking days without meat. That's like a vegetarian going 10 days on meat, or a hot-blooded male not screwing anything around him for 10 days in the absense of babes. So.. I fully expect myself to chew up half a chicken and 1/4 duck in revenge for that damn ulcer. Before that though, I'll walk out to NTUC and grab myself a bag of chips. The one that made me suffer needlessly. I'm going to have my revenge by making it endure a fate worse than mine. What say I chew it up like dinosaurs feasting on mountains of meat, and then sending it to the bottomless pit burning which is my stomach, before banishing it to an eternity of stench in the sewers? Sounds like a good plan, and I can't wait to put it in action.

Sickness number 2 :

Not a sickness of recent. but rather one cultivated 8 years ago. 8 years ago, I looked forward to vising my uncle in Melbourne. Everything looked amazing to a 10 year old. Wow planes can fly! Wow Singapore aint the only place on Earth. Wow teachers weren't lying when they said there were 4 seasons! So yeah, it was the beginning of a 2 week vacation where I had expected to thoroughly enjoy. Little did I know I was to spend the first week on bed.

You see I suffer from airsickness. The one sickness that enables me to leave behinnd my stomachprint almost everywhere I go til it subsides. I remember puking 5 times alone from the moment te plane touched down at Melbourne's airport, to reaching my uncle's house. I was wasted. I looked like shit, and more than likely smelled like shit too. Over the next few days I was to puke over 10 times more. In the car, on the streets, in the park - You name it, I've done it. My greatest victory though, was puking in the face of my cousin. I regreted it at that time, but got pissed off with myself after 2 weeks for not puking more on her. She was irritating you see. So anyway, my condition was made worse by the fact that Melbourne was huge in comparison to Singapore. Going anywhere by car took 2 hours easily. Naturally my uncle was wary of me and prepared many many many many plastic bags in advance for me. Only after a week did I manage to stop throwing up. Probably my stomach needed some rest too.

So yep, I've been afraid to fly ever since. I refused to fly to Hong Kong with my family 2 years later, and I spent 4 days with my late-grandparents. This year they flew to Hong Kong again, and obviously I downright refused to go despite them claiming they are willing to wait for me to get better before they start shopping and that this is a good time for me to start overcoming my fear. I've got pride too, and I simply won't entertain the thought of being at the mercy of those close to me. I can't accept being a liability instead of an asset, and I won't allow myself to spoil the fun for those who seek it. I know my body best after all.

Sickness number 3 :

I can't believe I'm saying this, but I actually miss my family. I have a family of few words. I speak little to them, but they still understand anyway. When I do speak, it's usually complaining over my sister's inability to tidy up her own stuff in my room, or whining about something else. So I thought I wouldn't miss them alot if they went away. Apparently I'm wrong. My brother sleeps with me in the same room, on different beds of course, while my sister bunks in on the floor for the aircon. She has her own room and does everything in there, except the sleeping part. So for the first time in my life when my whole family except my father who had to work and I went to Hong Kong, I was faced with the prospect of sleeping alone in the room. I'm not afraid of the dark - I outgrew it. I'm not afraid of loneliness too. Neither am I afraid of silence as well, since I've said that I don't usually speak much to them. What bothers me is the lack of a presence of someone in the room too.

'It is not the dark you fear, but that of the unknown'

What if cockroaches climbed up my bed?
What if something exploded?
What if the stories are true and the bed monster comes alive at night when I'm alone?

I'm like any human, and fear the unknown. 'What ifs' appear everynight, and I feel 500X safer when I know my brother is on his bed to my left and my sister on the floor to my right. It feels like even if something were to happen, I'd have cover. It helps being the youngest too. So naturally I felt frightened of sleeping alone for the first time in 18 years. The feeling where even if something were to happen, there would be nobody to help me. That feeling of void seeing the bed and mattress empty. That feeling of wanting them back so much. That feeling of helplessness. Yes it's trivial. It's just a few minutes before you drift to sleep and wake up with the sin on your ass, but trust me it's completely different in real life than thinking about it. Sure there have been times where my brother goes to chalets, or my sister not coming home, but there has never been a time where both were missing when I turn in. Exceptions are when I know they will return to them room in a few hours, but I'm simply too tired so I sleep without any of them physically in the room. I get past that simply -knowing- that they are at home, or will be home. That thought works wonders. 5 days their trip to Hong Kong, 5 days I'm sleeping alone. I've gotten past 2, but there's nobody out there who could possibly know how much I would give up for them to be right back here sleeping beside me. It's not that I'm used to them alone. I have no problems sleeping over at a friend's place or in chalets since I won't be alone. It's.. I can't describe it really. I miss them so much, it's become a pain waiting for night to fall. I try at times to stay awake in a bid to not sleep and face the fact that they're not returning that night, but it's useless. There's no World Cup to distract my mind from fatigue.

Like I said, it's not the darkness, loneliness or the silence that disturbs me. It's the lack of that distinct family presence in my room that troubles me to no end until I give in to fatigue completely. People who've always slept alone in their room won't understand, neither will people without siblings. Not that I miss them purely for my own peace in sleeping. I miss them in person as well, though I'll never openly admit it.

Whatever it is, I've no choice but to accept that they'll only be back in 3 days. When they do, no doubt I'll have an easier time sleeping at night, but it seems like I'll be able to enjoy getting angry with my brother for not closing the toilet door when the aircon is on, or my sister for not clearing her own mattress again. That's simply a fantastic day to look forward to. For now, I'm sick. In 3 days though, I can expect to get rid of 2. Airsickness? Never. Now that's a depressing thought.

Randomities

2007-09-09T09:49:00.000-07:00

-England 3 Israel 0
-Regret is different than Guilt
-Coffee is addictive
-It's human nature to practise psychology when we are alone.
-Escalated fear is called a phobia
-Humans rarely practice what they preach.
-'Pray' in Chinese can refer to a profanity in different tone and syllabus.
-Most of us like to brag about our past achievements, sometimes even fabricating them
-Excuses are usually confused as reasons, vice versa.
-It's not a lie when people say the power of the mind is unrivalled.
-Long terms and conditions are there for a reason; trickery.
-During night time, people look forward to not having to act on their thoughts, rather than sleep itself.
-It took you around 37 seconds to read everything before this, and 39 seconds if you finish this.

-7/10 people would actually really go calculate if my timings were accurate.
-6 out of those 7 would do it without scrolling down.
-I was lying about those timings.

Good day to you.

In honor of the walking poster

2007-09-05T23:47:00.000-07:00

Here lies the comparison of 5566 with S.H.E. They're different according to a friend. The same, I say.

Difference :
-S.H.E is a gal band. 5566 is a boy band.
-S.H.E has 3 members, 5566 has 4.

Similarities :
-Both release albums.
-Both have huge numbers of fans.
-Both attract both sexes.
-Both sing.

By simple mathematical calculation, Similarities win by 2 to nil. Therefore they are the same. =D

Life's Journey

2007-09-05T11:23:00.000-07:00

Life is just a cycle of events. Events that take place naturally, and come one after another. We came naked into this world, out from the warmth of our mother's womb, and knew not her face nor the evils of the world. We will come to give everyone hell for the rest of our life, though fortunately not everyone will get to taste it. No matter how old we are, we will always be exposed to life and death.

Death. Just what is death that makes it so intimidating? What is it about us ceasing to breathe that makes it such an sensitive issue? I've come to conclude that it really depends on whether you are religious. For the Christians, they believe they either go to Heaven or Hell. Heaven, where the flow of wine never ceases and where the light will always shine. Hell, where the flow of fire will never cease and where the darkness will always reign. For non-Christians, they either believe in Heaven and Hell too, or believe that they will be reincarnated, or just believe that they will fade away into nothingness.

While it isn't impractical to believe in etheral places like Heaven and Hell, I must sincerely, even though I'm a Christian myself, ask how do people come to the conclusion that these places really do exist. I might be contradicting my own religion by not believing what's stated in the Bible, but scientifically and realistically, Heaven and Hell are as solid rock as the 3rd dimension that some people say ships and planes end up in when they pass over the Bemuda Triangle. No proof, no witness, no nothing. Just the words of people. I'm not a Science-worshipper, but I have to admit to myself at times that this reasoning makes sense. I'm not dissing anyone's religion. It's fine if you sincerely believe in their existence, I'm just expressing my own personal doubt. No doubt this has been the very basis of doubt for myself, which at times lead me to ask whether my constant doubting of the Bible makes me worthy of calling myself a Christian at all.

Back to the topic. While I don't exactly believe in Heaven nor Hell, I must say it is for very much obvious reasons hope to go to Heaven when I die. Anyone would, except Satanic hardcore rockers. There's no reason for anyone, excluding Satan worshippers but including athesists, why they don't actually pray to go to Heaven after life, even if they don't believe it. Human nature I reckon. They don't believe in something, but wish they get it anyway since it's the best choice. I mean, it pretty much is the best choice when considering your other options are going to burn in fire forever, or fade to nothingness for eternity. Now I wonder what would happen if Anti-Christ people were to die, go to Hell and meet Satan, the God of their dreams, and gets rewarded by burning in hell forever. Would they regret and instantly convert to Anti-Satan? Too late anyway.

Now really back to topic. Death is seen as either the end of the beginninng, of the beginning of the end. I myself see it as the end of everything. What makes death so frightening to me is that I personally believe that we will fade away into nothingness after we're gone. I can't imagine what it feels like then. The very thought of being -nothingness- just scares the shit out of me. The thought of gasping for breath, knowing that the next could be your very last at the old age of 100 is even worse. The feeling of helplessness. The feeling of despair. The feeling of.. hopelessness. And when the last breath finally comes, it's all over. I don't know how to imagine what happens next. Driven by my opinion of thoughts, funerals are thus almost entirely useless. The only useful part is for you to see the deceased for the last time. While I disagree with the sombre and extremely boring mood at funerals, I'm not saying that we should go ahead and blast techno music and get on the floor dancing either. I've been to funerals before, and there's completely nothing funny about it. It's all about religion again I guess. I'm a supporter of the 'The-deceased-wouldn't-want-to-see-you-upset-if-he/she-were-still-alive' theory, hence I tend to keep my emotions in check better than most. While I'm not the best of judges since my Grandmother, Grandfather and favourite uncle were not as close to me, not in the same league as my direct family that is, 3 funerals of relatives is perhaps more than what others my age have been to. Most friends have 4 Grandparents alive and well, and I'm almost jealous of them. Wherever they are, I hope they're doing fine.

Now that death has been covered, perhaps it would be best to go through some tribulations we have to go through before meeting our creator, or the worms 6 feet beneath. As a baby, we bring absolute hell to our parents. As a toddler, we bring absolute hell to everyone around us. As a child, we bring absolute hell to people we don't like. As a teenager, we bring absolute hell to people who in our opinion don't deserve to be liked. As adults, we bring absolute hell to people who have offended us. As retirees, we bring absolute hell to our children. As dying people, we bring absolute hell to our loved ones. No matter what age we are, we bring absolute hell to people. That's life. No amount of denial can cover that. Life is simply a cycle. We come, we see, we go, and leave nothing behind, unless you count that bubblegum you stuck up some tree where nobody can see. Life is a cycle - don't be afraid to die. Don't be afraid to try either. It's not all about pride. It's all about regret. Linking back to my previous post, we shouldn't let expectations tie us down. We should do what we want to do, because in 100 years, we'll be gone. Unless you intend to be a history-maker who does his Masters at the age of 80, I don't think you want to stictly what your parents insist you do. While I'm not recommending that you go be a Doctor when your talent for Science is absolute garbage but you have the passion, at least try for something medical-related. Go sign up for some live-saving courses. Go join a debate team if you wanna be lawyer but suck at it. Go design your own house if you wanna be a designer but are afraid of being laughed at. That's as simple as it is. Always try, even if people look down on you along the way because at the end of the day, you are responsible for nobody else and you reflect nothing but yourself.

Some interesting ways that I found over the internet to rephrase the word 'die' :
-Pass away
-Kick the bucket
-Cash in the cheque
-To go down under
-To brake
-To take one's last breath
-To close eyes
-Hit life's deadend
-To be summoned
-To lie in a cramp, stuffy wooden box for 3 days while entertaining sad patronising faces which belong to people with happy hearts at the thought of your inheritence before getting burnt or buried 'alive' .

Nah the last one's my own little joke. There are a thousand more out there, I just shared those which I found interesting. Anyway, I wish to emphasize to anyone reading that my intention of this post is NOT to insult, make fun of, or otherwise doubt the foundation or credibility of their religon and/or their beliefs. I hope nothing here was derogatory, for it really was my personal opinion. I apologise sincerely and seek your pardon if anything I said was utterly wrong, downright retarded, or otherwise extremely disturbing to you. I have limited knowledge myself. If not, have a good day, and try to bring absolute heaven to people from now onwards.

Expectations(Needs) VS Wants

2007-09-02T09:53:00.000-07:00

As the title goes : expectations versus wants.

What are expectations? Expectations are something that you are expected to do, regardless of your will.

What are wants? Wants are something that you, by your own free will, strongly desire to accomplish.

Many a times we are so blinded by greed that we simply cannot make the simple task of differentiating between expectations and wants. Though they sound familiar, they can have vastly different effects. Imagine this scenario :

Scenario 1 : I'm expected to study now for better grades.
Scenario 2 : I want to study so I can get good grades.

Obviously scenario 2 will allow for more motivation, and thus better effects. There's no point in doing anything unless you sincerely -want- to do it. You can force the cow to the water, but not force it to drink. Realistically you can, but what good will it do? There will be circumstances where people have to be pushed to get results out of them, but such as usually reserved to discipline.

It is my personal opinion that humans love to procastinate, and by nature hate doing work. They need someone to tell them what to do, before they do it. That forms the basis for expectations VS wants. Are you expected to do something? Or do you genuinely want to do something? You will be surprised by how expectations are usually much more common that it really is.

Gah I'm tired. A short post then, it is.

I still prefer comedies though

2007-08-30T10:07:00.000-07:00

It must be Karma, for just a day after posting I missed these old friends of mine, one of them spoke to me online by chance. He's one of those kind of friends whereby we have totally nothing to say to each other online, but yet talk non-stop in real life. There are some opposite ones too - Chatting away in school, while merely a hi and a bye in a 2 hour long conversation window in MSN which should have been closed 3 hours ago. I meant 2. Er 1. Fine, never closed. So anyway like all conversations do, how it started and how it ended couldn't be more different. Here are some extracts. I took the liberty of making it refined and polite.

JS : Hey you going back to sch?
Me : What occasion?
JS : Teacher's day.
Me : Not free. Gotta go out.
JS : Ok nvm. Nobody's going anyway.
Me : lol
.
.
.
.
JS : Anyway, ****** is Naruto's grandmother! She will appear soon! (My MSN nick has the name of Naruto's father in it)
Me : More like it's the name of some Japanese porn star.
JS : OMG how you know? She's the hottest porn actress now man.
Me : Wow. Considering you must have clocked more than 5000 hours of porn, she must be raelly hot for you to praise her like that.
JS : She's so uber pretty. Extremely fuckable.
Me : Fuckable?
JS : Yeah. The feeling where you 10, 30, 50 or 100 years old also wanna fuck her.
Me : -_-
JS : Really! Once my com repaired, I help you burn. Or else come my house watch.
Me : Com spoil?
JS : Yeah 50 gb of porn gone wtf.
Me : LOL.
JS : Gtg. I using my brother com, he just wake up.

So there goes a 30 minute conversation. I left out the more R21 stuff obviously. I'm underaged myself, but to the porn king, 21's overaged. I'm not sure if he's serious on burning CDs of porn for me, but I sure as hell aint taking them.

Which got me thinking. Why are people allowed to screw each other at 18 but yet not allowed to watch people screwe each other until they're 21? Isn't doing it themselves more of a 'crime' than watching other people do it? It's like when you're in kindergarten and your teacher says : You can play dough. But no, you can't watch people play dough. Ridiculous aint it?

No wonder the porn industry is so lucrative.

I admit I used to surf it while I was younger. But it never got me hooked unlike many of my friends who have been going at it steady for the past 5-6 years. Considering most of my friends are the same age as me, you know that's pretty hardcore. So anyway, somehow I got sick of it and quit after just, believe or not, a year. It's bad enough for anti-porn people, and incredible for pro-porn people so go ahead, make your judgement. I don't care. I don't really have to answer to anyone about what I used to do. It's all past.

Which brings me to my next thinking. Why should porn be so looked down upon? Yeah it's immoral, it's disgusting, it's downright derogatory looking at people as sex toys. I strongly believe though, that a little porn taken in the right dosage can actually be more beneficial then harnful. What I meant by that is hopefully some 3 min no over-elaborate actions than just the normal actions 2 people do on bed to produce you and I. Porn that includes threesomes or more people, includes animals(Gross I know) or any other living things, includes unnatural sex, is undeniably harmful. It's bad for mental health. It turns even seasoned porn veterans off, but there is just some kind of hypnotic power that draws you even closer to explore deeper. That would be bad. Which is why I said a little porn could be helpful.

Showing people all that is to sex between a natural male and a natural female is nothing harmful actually. It's completely more helpful at sex education than what parents or schools teach. I haven't met a single parent who would be so open with their kids that after the session the kid is perfectly clear on how sex is performed and why people like it so much. Simple and basic porn is the best way to go for sex education. Not avoiding STDs that kinda education, but how to do it kinda education. Singaporeans already have declining birthrates. It's worse when a newly married couple strip off their clothes, get horny at the sight of the opposite sexes' naked body for the FIRST time, and then decide that they don't know how to screw each other. I don't know what happens next, but my imagination tells me trial and error plays a huge part here.

Obviously it can be harmful too, as sex-hungry people will be eager to point out that even the most simplest form of porn encourages people to do it. Which is why sometimes it's best to view porn, the simplest kind, in a group. There you can control your wildest fantasies because it's unlikely you'll get wild and start wanking in front of 5 other guys(Or gals if you're a female) right? Control til you get home that is. I doubt people will be mad enough to have a screwing competition to see who emulates the video the most times, because that's downright stupid, not to mention inhumane.

So my point is, I don't entirely see whats the big deal with porn being illegal. I've seen it, I've quit it, I've pretty much done everything with it. Having friends who are hooked on it and given me valuable advice is an advantage I have over most people. That's not to say I don't find porn morally correct too. I believe there is a point where the good and bad side of porn cancels out each other. The point of equalibrium if you will.

So.. let's get a R21 video shall we? Nah I prefer my cartoons. Porn videos might be good once in a blue moon, but it's the other mudane stuff that rocks.

Old and New

2007-08-27T06:06:00.000-07:00

I miss my old friends. Be honored if your name's below, for I hardly get emo.

Jun Sheng - The walking Wikipedia of porn.
Mario - The vain ass.
Steven - Laughing God. Never seen him angry even once in 2 years.
Chee - Bye!
Qin Yu - Act cut pervert.
Ming Jie - Cock eye with the best stamina.
Paul - Aussie loving dude.
Kenneth - Gaytee!
Boon Kiat - Walking Wikipedia of illegal downloads.
Harvenjit - Sup turban?
John Loy - Old Man Freak. One Hand Man.
Yanisa - Coolest swearing gal. EVER. Not an understatement to say she's my best female buddy.

Rui - Chill off some gel would ya?
Michelle - Demon in sheep's clothing.

I'm trilled with new ones though.

TW - Elvish top student. Obsessed with anything with pointy ears. Nah kiddin'.
Eric - Weak noob.
Darwin - Loudhailer.
SCY - Freezer, and really deserves a nobel award for ....
Powerpuff girls(Mh, Fy, Sh) - They're really power.
Lydia - Best singer who doesn't look like one.
Michelle - She's worth 5 million. Currency not stated.
Su Min - Hi Sor Kuan.
Maven - Singapore's wrestling superstar.
Guang - Botak.
Carleton - You ain't touching him.
Hong Peng - Beijing!
Hong Yee - Puny but tough. Really tough.
Yu Xiang - Walking computer.
Yvonne - Walking 5566 poster.
Jasmine - Walking bamboo.

My very limited vocabulary

2007-08-24T10:19:00.000-07:00

'Haolian la A2 for English sia'

That's what people say to me when I randomly use a word they've never seen/heard/used before. Otherwise the response would probably be

'Huh what you mean?'

So it's understandably so if people think I've a big vocabulary. You know, like those stuck-up newspaper columnists who always try to distract us by using big words instead of keeping the news simple and easy to comprehend. Yeah we geddit - you're fantastic in your English exams. There's no need to showcase your obvious lack of talent to remain humble to the whole country.

Oh back to topic. So people sometimes think I've got a big library of books. I admit I used to love using big words. Using them made me feel superior to those fools who've probably never even heard of the word 'Dictionary'. Trying to impress my English teacher in school though was a different matter. I mean, I'm always top for English anyway, so don't blame me for lack of trying. But recently a startling relevation by a good friend made me realize that perhaps all I needed was a small vocabulary.

'I only uttered vulgarities for a month when I was sec 2. No more ever since.'

Come to think about it. He's said it for a month during sec 2. I've said them since sec 2. Yeah I'm no saint. I don't have a problem peppering my conversation in real life or online with profanities. Thinking back, the word 'Fuck' is probably the most used word in my entire life. It's surprising how 5 years of talking like a hooligan can change statistics. Before I hit 14, 'Damn' and 'Bloody' were probably my worst words. Sure I swore under my breath sometimes, but never in public. That changed when I was 14, an age where the nind is easily influenced by external forces. Soon 'Damn' and "Bloody' gave way and I was a full fledged fucker, literally.

Let's see how big my library really is then shall we.

What a normal conversation usually looks like :

Me : Hey I'm hungry. Let's go out for some food man.
Friends : Don't want la. Weather so hot.
Me : Don't so lazy leh. All go out together la.
Friends : Hanah ok la.

Ends up like this :

Me : Wa knn fucking hungry man. Oi go out eat leh.
Friends : Fuck you la. Weather now so hot how to go out.
Me : Nb cb mai lazy la. All go out together la.
Friends : Fuck sia you. Help us buy la.
Me : Kp la all go now la fucker.

Oh well you get the picture. I use vulgarities so often it has, as my friend so curtly described it, 'became part of my vocabulary'. It's like an addiction to drugs. 5 whole years of it. Almost impossible to stop. Now I don't even feel anything when someone points a middle finger in my face and tell me to go fuck myself. Reason being I've heard it as least a thousand times to even feel any anger. Not even if they curse my entire family, cos I'll know if they were just saying out of habit or frustration. It's different though, if someone I offended said it, because that would mean they really meant what they say. Likewise, I expect most of my colourful friends to take my words with a pinch of salt when I go all ballastic, especially if things don't go my way, and start insulting anyone and everyone related to them. Some take it personally of course, but I'm usually sensitive enough to not cuss too much in front of them. Girls especially. But hey, cussing girls are kewl. Nevermind even if they weigh 500 pounds and look like a sadistic murderess and got out of jail for raping 5 year old boys. I've seen too many gentle and nice girls and I can easily find them anywhere anyway. The world is seriously in need of different personalities man.

Personal favourite online cussing while in a terribly mood goes like this :
'Diu nei lou mou kam ka chan'. Translation not provided. As a fellow forumite loves to say to lazy people : 'Just fucking google it'. Not sure if google provides translation for these though.

Yeah so well you get my point. My vocabulary can't be that big if the word uttered the most time in a year, or month, or week, or day, or hour, or even minute is 'Fuck' or some other random television-censored word/description. I'm no saint, but I'm no 10 rings, long hair smoking emo gangster. I'm just an ordinary person with, I honestly believe, a very ordinary vocabulary. Nearly all guys swear. Those who don't are either religious, plain liars, or really goody-two-shoes. That aint excuses. I've been around long enough to see anti-vulgarities people end up telling me 'Eh fuck you la so long never see me never say hi. Nb bo xim' should they see me on the street. Then again I've seen hardcore fuckers(You get the pun) turn angels. Likewise I've seen determined people who refuse to be influenced by the 'bad company'. I salute these people, and hope their willpower never waver. Utmost respect to these guys, for they did what I could not. I lasted 1 year before I fell to the dark side. Not a very good record, considering I went to a rather decent neighbourhood school.

By all means anyway, don't ever be mistaken about huge words I use from time to time. My vocabulary is quite limited, and I don't really enjoy using big words as much as you think I do. Neither do I like typing vulgarities so much, so my conclusion is :

Don't fucking get bamboozled by me.

Interesting facts among my friends, past and present (I won't give their real names obviously):

*The 'world' record for the most time 'Fuck' was uttered in a minute belongs to Alex, who did it 18 times.

*The 'world' record for the most time any profanity was uttered in 5 mins belongs to Bob, who did 33.

*The 'world' record time for the most hardcore vulgarity-spewing-volcano friend Charlie going without uttering a single profanity stands at 13 seconds.

To say or not to say

2007-08-21T19:58:00.000-07:00

It feels funny how when you tell people exactly what you think about a particular situation, they laugh it off and think you're joking - mostly based on past experiences or if you go deeper, their own inferior complex. Here's an example.

A : I'm so gonna fail this test. I suck at this subject.
B : Yeah right. Tell me how you scored 35/50 last test then.
A : It was luck. There's no way I can pass the next one.
B : Me too.

Results come back and A passes while B fails. End of the day? B will never ever again, believe it when A says he's gonna fail anything, even if A was dead serious at that point of time that there was no way he could pass.

The same goes for other things. People refuse to understand that the feelings of a person at a specific point of time is obviously going to be different sometime later, never mind the amount. They don't understand that while a person may feel completely hopeless at a certain point of time, he or she may somehow come up with an excuse to convince themselves out of a pit. This brings about a change of opinion. From no way to pass to some hope of passing. It's human nature of course, to brush it all off as A being humble, or just playing along in order to not seem arrogant.

Back to the inferior complex. They know they are probably weaker then the one claiming to be gonna fail, thus they refuse to accept that fact, and impose their own expectations on them. They base their thinking on their past experiences, and never once consider the possibility of other options.

What to do?

Remain silent.

Then you'll be treated as arrogant anyway. Refusal to discuss anything isn't the right solution. Neither is voicing out what you really think a good way, since most would brush it aside.

This is rocket science to a baby. Un-understandable. In-solvable.

Virtual Reality

2007-08-19T12:37:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling terribly angry, but yet cool.

Angry because someone couldn't accept the fact that my suggestion was way better than his, and instead of just politely accepting his wrongs, proceed to put me down. I'm a very emotional person who hates to be on the losing end of something, especially arguments. It might be 'Just a damn forum' to others, but I take pride with each and every one of my post. Of course I might add that I flamed him badly first.

Now for cool. Didn't I said I hate losing? Yeah. I gathered 3 folks of mine, and we proceeded to flame the living daylights out of him in his very own thread. Aaa what a feeling. Absolutely incomparable.

The feeling where you have friends by your side, and you feel like nothing could go wrong because no matter what, they'll be right by your side supporting you through anything. Aww now I'm feeling emo.

Which brings me to my next point. Some people call me retarded for indulging in a Virtual game called Maple Story and wasting my time on the forum associated with it. What they don't understand is the bonds that I have with a particular group of people. 3 Malaysians, 1 Singaporean, 1 Australian. They have all been my pillar of strengths in the game. Not surprisingly some of them have access to my accounts. Fears of getting hack? Not with the fact that their account are in every way better than mine, plus I have their personal details, plus nothing's gone wrong for 6 solid months. Add on to the colourful history I've shared with them, it just makes them more... besty best best.

Virtual reality > Real life anyone?

Exploration

2007-08-19T09:59:00.001-07:00

So I've seen much and read much, and always wanted to have a corner to bitch about anything that pisses me off but never had the time to actually go about it.

Strangely 2 days before exams I'm making time for this.

Irony.

While I'm (Probably Not) going to take some time off to add in some links to my friends, I'm not entirely sure I'll let them know about this just yet. After all, it's my private bitching corner. A place where anything goes.